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There is a lot going on today.
A lot. I guess I'm not very happy, but I am trying my darndest to be. I am dealing with more emotions today than I can ever remember having. I have a lot of personal stuff happening and I have been trying to share as much of that with you all as I can. As you know, I am in the middle of a life changing experience with my career. Just last night I sent my resume, cover letter, and references off to what I hope to be my next, and potentially last employer. Also, so much is going on in the world with people suffering, hurting, and being sick. And last but not least, I wasn't able to train martial arts today, and instead I ate a freaking pizza.
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Since I can remember, I've always had certain symptoms of being low. A funny feeling in my stomach, shaking, cold sweats, feeling tired, slow or incomplete thoughts. Depending on the low, sometimes certain symptoms would be worse than others. Almost every single time, I got this feeling in my stomach kind of like butterflies. Lately, I've been having some of these low symptoms when my blood sugar is not even close to a low. I get the feeling in my stomach, I feel shaky, I even start slurring my words. I check and I'm fine. 141. 126. Even 204. So why do I feel low?
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I was recently asked to suggest some information for a diabetic in another country. I can’t say that I have ever done much research on the topic of diabetes in a foreign place. I’ve thought about health care and how difficult it must be for those that don’t have immediate access for the disease. Yet, I’ve never taken the time to truly research information and find the reality in the situation.
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I walked into my local Whole Foods Body store with the best of intentions. I wanted just one item. I didn't know what brand to buy, but I had a general idea of what I was looking for. When the salesperson said the magic words, "What can I help you find today," I should have run far away. Instead, we started a dialog that left me leaving the store with a full bag and an empty wallet.
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"So you missed my big health news last week," I said to my boss this evening as we were working late.
"Oh, no, I know. K. told me," she said, "that you're going on the pump. That's great news. Are you hooked up?"
"Yes, I got all set today," I said lifting my shirt slightly to show off my pump. "But the bigger news is that we discovered that I'm actually type 1 and not type 2."
Enter blank stare.
With a type 1 brother in law, I really thought I was talking to an understanding audience, but I was (partly) wrong.
Over the last few days, I've encountered a lot of these misunderstandings that I didn't really expect. One day last week, I called my sister to let her in on the news of my new diagnosis and about the pump. It was really a process to explain to her that this was all no big deal.
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Monday morning, 10:15 am: Pick up phone. Dial numbers. Make idle chit-chat with wife before getting to real reason for phone call - what's Charlie's blood sugar?
Tuesday morning, 10:15 am: Pick up phone. Dial numbers. Make idle chit-chat with wife before getting to real reason for phone call - what's Charlie's blood sugar?
Wednesday morning, 10:15 am: Pick up phone. Dial numbers. Make idle chit-chat with wife before getting to real reason for phone call - what's Charlie's blood sugar?
Though tempted to boost my word count even further, I'll stop at Wednesday, knowing that you get the point.
Respond to wife with the following assortment of interchangeable exclamatory interjections:
"Damn!"
"Crap!"
"Great!" (not the good kind, the sarcastic kind)
"Super!" (again, sarcastic)
"Thank God!"
It has gotten just a bit monotonous.
And not just on my end.
10:15 am
Me: Hey
Susanne: Hey
Me: What's up?
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Cycle day 27: Aunt Flow will arrive in approximately three days. And likely with little warning.
Except for the lows. Oh, man the lows she brings for several days before her arrival. They're not brutal, just surprising. Not like, "Holy &*%$ I'm 29!" More like, "Wow my post-meal is 94."
I actually enjoy the relative lowlessness that she brings, although I have to be much more vigilant about my blood sugar management. For example, this morning it was an incredible 60ish degrees, so I took No. 2 and No. 3 for a walk (No. 1 was camping with The Mr.). While it was roughly two hours since breakfast, I somehow find that I usually don't test when I spontaneously decide to take on physical activity. Something prompted me to check this morning. I definitely didn't expect to see low 90s.
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I get up every morning. I test my bloodsugar, give a morning dose of insulin. I decide where to place my pump in the outfits I'm considering. Some mornings, I wash away pump stickiness in the shower and insert a new canula. Some mornings, I treat a low bloodsugar, quaking and pale at the kitchen counter. All of this, while feeding the cat and getting ready for work. Drying my hair and putting on lip gloss. Trying to find the right shoes and grabbing a book to read at lunch. Diabetes comes with routines that often fit, tucked quietly, into the other routines my life holds.
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It seems like lately I've felt more abnormal than ever before in my life. I've always known I wasn't like the rest of the world. I have always been the different kid, the one who had to eat different food, the one who did shots all the time. I thought that I wouldn't feel so different when I got older. I figured that with time diabetes would be just a part of my life like being a brunette or having freckles. Now I'm getting older and diabetes is completely ingrained in me, but I still feel different.
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This is all over the diabetes online community and may have already been posted about on here, but I'm going to chime in with my 2 cents.
Have you heard? Halle Berry has managed to
cure herself of type 1 diabetes and has beaten it down to type 2 and doesn't need insulin any more.
Isn't that a neat trick?
Perez Hilton even has something on it. You know the diabetes online community is really up in arms if it's being reported on
Perez Hilton!
It's been talked almost to death, but I don't understand what Halle Berry's problem is with having diabetes. If she has type 1, is she ashamed of that? If it's type 2, shouldn't she be out there saying "Look! It's not a fat disease! Thin people who eat well and exercise a lot can also get type 2!
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