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March 21st, 2010
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I threw away my Byetta pen yesterday. It was easy. I just took it out of the cabinet and chucked it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
I don't think I'll ever want to go back to Byetta.
I hate to say that because I really thought it was going to be a saving grace for me in the weight loss department. I'm just not so sure that it was my allergies that were making my blood sugar go so wacky lately. I mean, I'm sure allergies played a part, but I'm not so sure they were the sole culprit.
There are just so many variables to diabetes management that I'll never really know for sure, but since I've gone back to Novolog I've noticed a dramatic difference in my numbers. And, I'm still taking nasal steroids, which I thought were going to send my blood sugar off the deep end, for my allergies. I am walking more consistently than I was on Byetta; however, it became difficult to count on a morning walk when I didn't know where my blood sugar would be at 6 a.m. (READ MORE)


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You are the night
You are the days
You are the hours until
You are the pain on his face
You are his pinching eyelids
You are his grinding teeth
You are the screaming
You are the 2 am light bulb
You are the creaky stairs
You are deception
You are doubt
You are the things that go wrong
You are runaway hands tucked under his pillow
You are the holes in his wet fingers like coral
You are panic
You are fury
You are desperation
You are paleness
You are the vacant collapse
You are the burning tremble
You are the shark in the fog
You are the dark hallway
You are the unknown
You are unanswerable questions
You are the odd imposter
You are jagged temper
You are dread
You are scar tissue and blood
You are alarm
You are guilt
You are darkening shades of purple (READ MORE)


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Beep Boop Beep.
My pump tells me it’s been two hours since my last bolus and that I should check my blood glucose level.
Beep. I clear the alarm.
I slip a test strip into my meter.
Beep. It is ready for me to drop blood on it.
Beep. The machine starts the countdown.
Beep. 163.
Press the Bolus Wizard button on my pump and enter the number.
Beep. Beep. Beep. I accept the amount of insulin and get it sent on its way. As soon as the bolus amount is finished being delivered I hear one last sound.
Beep.
From the other side of cubical partition I hear, “What is that beeping?”
“Sorry, that’s me and my stuff.”
“Ugh, I kept hearing all this beeping. I thought I was going crazy.” She replied. (READ MORE)


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Weaning off then completely stopping the progesterone has been interesting. I've definitely felt my old symptoms come back, like I mentioned last week. A drop in mood, fatigue, and some of the joint pain are the main issues. But there have also been positive changes.

 

Like the level of pre-period pelvic pain didn't start the usual two weeks out. Of course, my period could be another two weeks away since they are incredibly irregular. But so far, I've only had maybe 2 days of pelvic pain as opposed to a usual 5-10 days. If I could limit it without progesterone, the endometriosis surgery might completely clear whatever else is causing the pain. We'll have to wait to see about that one though.

 

(READ MORE)


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Both of my doctors, my endocrinologist and the doctor in charge of my bio-identical treatment, have sent disability status letters for me. It actually took very little effort, despite the initial feedback from the nurses in the beginning. I'm happy to get these out of the way and go forward with the process. I'll also be writing my own letter to support my case with a personal note.

 

(READ MORE)


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For 4 weeks I have avoided the world. I stopped blogging. Stopped logging. Stopped counting points. Just stopped.

 

What good did it do me? Lots actually when I look back. I realized that support and friends are an important part of my life and my diabetes management. I use the support and advice from my friends almost daily. When I read comments on blog posts I always find support and help from so many. It truly keeps me in line.

 

The other side of it is that I found that worrying does no good at all. I have spent this last month worrying about money which did absolutely no good. The only good that came about was that realization. Worry is a waste of time.

 

What is annoying is that I know this. I know that worry is nothing more then a stress creator and with that, a glucose "inflator." I need not add to the stress of my life worrying all the time.

 

(READ MORE)


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As a member of the media, you might think that I would get riled up about news stories all the time. Strangely, though, I don't find that to be true. So I guess it's no surprise that when I do get moved by a story, I get really moved.
There's not often much information in the e-newsletter from Diabetes Health magazine that pertains to me, but I look forward to reading it nonetheless. I usually scan the headlines and teasers, and maybe read a story or two. I sometimes forward it on to my mom and two aunts who help their 90-year-old type 2 mom with her diabetes management.
Today's newsletter, though, had a story that I read several times. The headline, Psychologically Dependent Type 2s Use Too Many Test Strips?, intrigued me; the story, on the other hand, made the fire rage. (READ MORE)


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I have officially started my new job and I am excited about the potential that lies ahead. For a while now I have been chasing after the opportunity to work for this company and I'm at a point where I feel comfortable sharing more about it. While I am employed full time with my new job I will also continue to do some personal training and be a blogger for dlife. So anyway, enough of the dancing around,I am now a full-time employee of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) and I am really happy about it.
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It's after 9 p.m. on Saturday night and I've just learned something that normally would send me straight to bed. Likely crying. But I'm wide awake and I can't help but wonder if it's the double dose of anti-depressants I took this morning.

 

I met with a psychiatrist yesterday for the first time ever. Iv'e seen counselors before, but never for depression.

 

I was looking forward to the appointment. I was anxious to talk about how I got to where I was, issues that I struggle with, and I think a little validation that what I was going through was real depression and not just a wacked out personality.

 

I connected with Dr. L pretty quickly and easily. I imagined she'd be around my age and she was. She was easy to talk to; straight forward and rather blunt at times, which I was fine with.

 

(READ MORE)


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When I look back at 2007, I realize that a lot happened and that I learned a great deal about many things. First and foremost, I am happy to say that it is another year completed and another successful year behind me in the books. To say that and to think about that feels great. Every day that goes by a person living with diabetes learns something new about their disease. I can look back and recall different situations where my blood sugar got low. I remember certain times when I checked my glucose and it was off the charts high. Everything that has happened this year will be a learning experience that I can come back to in the future. I learned about myself and how different things affect me. I can recall specific weeks where everything was hunky dory and others where I felt I was going to lose it. Just living and learning each day adds more notches to my diabetic belt, a belt that I will always have. (READ MORE)


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Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Nicole Purcell
Nicole PurcellNicole Purcell lists having type 1 diabetes last when she's asked to provide information about herself - because that's where it belongs.

(Read More)
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