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February 10th, 2012
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Since I'm right in the middle of my "dating prime," dating is on my mind. Of course, there is the typical stuff about meeting new guys and just trying to be myself while catching their attention. Then there is the serious side of me that wonders about the long term situations and all that entails. To top it off (like a cherry on a sundae), there is dating and diabetes.
I'm usually okay with dating and diabetes. I don't hide it, but I don't flaunt it. I always take a survey of the situation before throwing diabetes into the mix. I don't really have a problem telling dates about my diabetes. It's something that is completely a part of me and therefore, something they must completely accept. (READ MORE)


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When you look at me, what do you see? Do you just see the physical girl standing in front of you? Or do the emotions, the spirituality, the thoughts creep through as well?

 

When I look in the mirror, I see that I'm tall for a girl. I see that I have my father's blue eyes and the Guerin nose. I also see that my mother's side of the family shows through with the curve of my hips. When I look at me, I see my family staring back at me. Each part of my body comes from the genetics behind me. The resemblance in facial structure to my middle brother...the same fair skin of my mom and oldest brother...the small wrists that are present in all three siblings.

 

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Perhaps one of the absolute worst parts of having diabetes is putting up with the expectations of others. When someone hears "diabetes" they expect to see you eating "right" all the time, avoiding sweets all the time, and worshipping your body all the time.

 

We all know that just doesn't happen. We are human. Everyone needs a break from the chains that bind us.

 

Over the last week or so, I have found myself defending a person I never in my adult life thought I would defend. My incredible half-sister told me recently that her mother has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. With a sister and a mother with diabetes, she is, naturally, completely freaked out that she's next. Not to mention scared for our health and our future.

 

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When one of us succeeds, we all succeed. When one of us is hurt, we all feel pain. And when one of us is belittled at the expense of another, we all lose.

 

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Sadly, I've been watching a lot of TV lately. The whole no school and no job thing leaves me with a lot of free time. This morning I was watching the Today show. A segment on infertility came on as soon as I switched the TV on.

 

As a woman with type 1 diabetes, PCOS, and endometriosis, infertility has become a definite part of my vocabulary. No doctor has told me that I am infertile and I'm in no place to need to know. Infertility is just something that's been listed on my possible "side effects" and "symptoms" list and something that I've tossed over in my mind.

 

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Sometimes I am shocked at how invisible diabetes can be. I was having practice at church the other night for the contemporary band when my Bass player asked us to pray for him.
"Of course! What is going on?"
He explains to me that he is having surgery on his eye to drain fluid in it and would just like us to keep him in our prayers. He started telling us about how he had this same surgery on his other eye and that it worked really well so he his hopeful that this surgery will be another success. I asked him what causes the problem he is having.
"Diabetes." (READ MORE)


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I think I am losing my mind.

 

Back when I was in High School I never thought about diabetes or the fact that I could get it. I never thought that a disease would sneak into my life and change it forever. It was just not on my radar and not on my parents radar either. They were just as shocked as I was when I was diagnosed.

 

So now I am the parent and since I have diabetes, it I think about all the time. I hope some parents with diabetes can tell me how you deal with this but I think I am a little paranoid about my children getting diabetes.

 

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I absolutely love my new job. It is amazing, awesome, and perfect for me. I'm getting to lead amazing people, I'm working on social issues that desperately need the help, and I have a great group of coworkers that have been extremely supportive through the training process. Everything in my life has come together at this point. There isn't anything I could ask for.

 

Except that the last week has left me feeling unwhole and in emotional stress. For no apparent reason. There is nothing that I should be terribly upset about, nothing that should leave me feeling in a trench. Nothing major should have me teary eyed and emotionally unsure about life.

 

Yet here I am. It's not that severe. It's just a small feeling that I can't seem to shake. Something that's kind of tugging at me, trying to pull me deeper in. Something that isn't sitting well with me and I really want to push beyond.

 

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You may remember Richard Jewell, wrongfully accused of the '96 Atlanta Olympics bombing and basically convicted by the media for some time before Eric Rudolph was accused. He has died at 44. Jewell was diagnosed earlier this year with diabetes, already had had toes amputated and was on dialysis. Given his age, I assume it was a Type 2 diagnosis. How bad did it have to be to have already lost toes to this disease? And then to die the same year as diagnosis? I am his age and reading this first thing today really brought home the seriousness of my condition. (READ MORE)


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It's been an odd few weeks here on the Beedies front.  When my doctor sent me to see the endocrinologist a few weeks ago, it was with the grim admonishment that I was most likely going to have to go on insulin.  My comfortable little world of better living through pharmaceuticals was going to be swept away, and in its place I would find myself trudging through a grim dystopia of syringes in my bathroom, sad little bottles in the butter tray of my fridge and a pocketful of Jolly Ranchers to fend off hypoglycemic death.

 



I am perhaps overstating the possible state of affairs.

 

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Lindsey Guerin
Lindsey GuerinLindsey is a typical, yet unique, Texas girl who loves shopping, movies and reading. She loves to travel and take risks. She dreams of diabetes cures, never-ending cheesecake and her own airplane. The rest you can discover in her blog! (Read More)
Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
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