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February 10th, 2012
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Sometimes diabetes makes me feel so alone. I've always been the "token" diabetic in my family. And after almost fifteen years of being the only one, I'm adjusted to the idea. I'm good at doing this "alone." I actually like it. I know that no one I love deals with it. I never have anyone to blame. Plus it makes me unique.
In October of last year... that all changed. My dad was diagnosed with type 1. I've never worried about my parents getting it, only my future children. Yet here we are: my father has my disease. It feels horrible, a true blow to the gut. (READ MORE)


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We haven't made a deposit in our bank since June of 2005. We also haven't seen the need to make a withdrawal in that time. I often wonder how to even make a withdrawal if we needed to. I mean, could I take out just a little bit at a time or would I need to take one lump sum, closing my account? It would be really cool if they gave us an ATM card of sorts so that we could easily control when and how much we wanted to take out.
Then again, a withdrawal of cord blood from a machine could get a little messy. (READ MORE)


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I don't believe in vaccines. Perhaps it was the family that I grew up in. Or the disease that I've lived with every day since a series of regular, routine vaccines when I was 4 years old. Maybe it's just my own understanding of health and traditional thinking.

 

But I don't believe in them. However controversial that might be and however many of you might hate/ban/harass me for it, I cannot bring myself to believe in them. And trust me, I have done my research.

 

When I was 4 years old, my mother took me in for all the regular vaccines. The most memorable for both of us is the MMR because it has since been linked to autoimmune diseases such as type 1 diabetes. Almost immediately, my mom noticed a change in me. I was sick, unlike myself, and in ill health.

 

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This past weekend has seen a lot of DOC heat over Type 2 Diabetic and former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee's analogizing signing up for medical insurance with a pre-existing condition to trying to insure a home after it has been completely burned to the ground, or a car that has been completely totaled. Our peers have been enraged at the idea that Governor Huckabee is discounting productive lives to the point that, if the analogy were allowed to be continued, we should be completely culled from society (read: euthanized) -- either at the point of diagnosis, or at the point at which we can no longer pay the cost of our medical upkeep ourselves.

 

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It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that just because I don't have to take a pill to control my Type 2 diabetes, I'm "cured". After all, that's what so many people in my condition were told, so many times, over the past half-century. Some are still told that today. And given that most of the time, my blood glucose levels stay between 85 and 120, with the occasional high postprandial excursion (which occasionally -- like, when I'm low and having dinner at a restaurant -- will lead to a high fasting reading the next morning), there's nothing to alarm the unsuspecting practitioner that back in 2002, at fifty pounds heavier than I am today, the doctor's meter read 170 mg/dl after a ten-hour fast, with an HbA1c of 7.8. Or in lay terms, "I had diabeetus".

 

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Ever since I was little, my mom has always told me that there was a reason behind my diabetes. I've always believed her and hoped that one day I would realize what the reason was. When my other health conditions developed, we had the same conversation. There was a reason behind my health problems.

 

Occasionally, ideas pop into my head. Sometimes I think I know, but mostly I feel that I have no clue what's behind all my health problems. It all seems so pointless. There is one consistent theme throughout the ideas in my mind though.

 

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It's that time of year again...fundraising! So I've written my letter. And here it is, for the world to see!

Dear______,

 

 On March 3rd, 1993, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I was 4 years old. It’s been over sixteen years since that day. I’ve struggled, grown, and I’ve gained and lost precious moments from this disease.

 

 In October of 2007, my dad was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as well. To this day, hearing that he had this dreadful disease like me has been one of the worst days of my life. Now, it isn’t just about my own diabetes, my risk of complications, or my lows and highs with this disease. It’s about my dad’s A1c, the genetic risks of diabetes, and the worry that comes with having a diabetic loved one.

 

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"I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more. All along I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me. I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more." ~ "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri

 

When I hear this song, I don't think Twilight's Breaking Dawn (part of the soundtrack). I don't even think of marriage. I do think of falling in love and watching the love of my life though. When I hear this song, I think of my child.

 

A child that doesn't even exist on this world yet. A child that is years down the road. A child that I cannot see or feel or hug at this moment. But a child that exists for me, none the less.

 

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My sister got a call from the hospital at which Mom has been recovering after valve replacement surgery. After a couple of days of perfect sinus rhythm, her care team suddenly wanted consent to insert a permanent "on demand" pacemaker. The issue was a single episode of about eight seconds of no heartbeat. While the idea of a pacemaker had been broached before, it was earlier in Mom's recovery. Since then, as far as we all could tell, things had quieted back down to "normal".

 

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Nobody likes a know-it-all. I've worked really hard for a number of years to keep myself from saying, "Actually, this is how it is...." in just about every situation. I've worked hard to decide when I should make an issue out of what I think is right.

 

I think I'm doing pretty good with not forcing people to know that I know everything. Even when it comes to diabetes. I've written here before about avoiding conversations about diabetes and not getting into too much detail about certain diabetes-related issues. It depends on the person and the conversation and so many other factors.

 

But tonight while I was proofing a story for work, I went back and forth about whether to make the distinction between type 1 and type 2 diabetes for an audience that the majority of whom likely have no idea that there even is a difference.

 

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Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Julia
JuliaJulia lives behind the Tofu Curtain, in the Pioneer Valley, in Western Massachusetts. It's a nice place. She likes it there. Her eldest daughter, Olivia, has type 1 diabetes. She's also 13. It's a real toss-up as to which is more difficult -- the diabetes or the teen-age drama. (Read More)
Our Other Bloggers: Brenda Bell, Nicole Purcell, Carey Potash, Lindsey Guerin, Megan, MikeDurbin, Robert Hudson, George Simmons, Scott Marvel, Kim Doty, Kerri Sparling,