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I don't often think about how much mental energy I put into tamping down the thoughts that run thru my head about Olivia and how her diabetes affects her. I do bury those feelings because it makes me sad and angry and worried and a whole host of other, not-so-pleasant feelings and I just can't walk around all day feeling that way - it's too draining. Instead, I concentrate on working with her, figuring out how to handle the myriad situations that crop up every day without dwelling on the ramifications of the disease too much. I'll let myself touch lightly on it daily, but wearing all those concerns on my sleeve would send me to the nut house. Every so often, though,something will burst that dam and I'll sit down and have a good old cry about it.  This morning was one of those days. 

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There's been a lot of ta-doo around here lately about hating - or loving diabetes.

I'm a hater.  In the twenty seven years I've lived with it, I have heard people say that they can't hate diabetes because it has given them so much, taught them so many lessons or because it's helped to make them the person they've become or because it's brought them some of their closest friendships, or simply because it's a part of them.  That's not my view. 

The lessons of patience and perserverance and balance that diabetes has taught me don't matter.   The many beautiful, kind, and wonderful people I've met because I have diabetes don't matter.  The parts of me that are stronger or more focused because of diabetes don't matter.  I would give up all of those lessons, those friendships, those parts of me to be free of this disease.  

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As a young twenty-something, I'm very in tune with my inner Facebook(er). So I've noticed the trend of posting 25 random things about yourself, although I haven't quite given into it yet. However, I decided after this 25 random things post to create my own 25 random diabetes things.

So here's my 25 Random Things About My Life With Diabetes:

1. Diabetes is sometimes the best thing that's happened to me.

2. It's also often the worst.

3. I rarely follow any type of diabetes diet, although I'm sure it'd help my control.

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I don't expect everyone I've ever met to remember that I'm diabetic. There was a period that I barely told anyone about it, unless I was absolutely forced to. So how could they remember if they never knew?

I do expect my close friends, family and important people (i.e. my coworkers, my professors, etc) to remember that I'm diabetic. After all, most of them see the daily battle that diabetes is. How can you forget that?

But so often, my friends forget. Sometimes I feel like my own family forgets. They get involved in their own lives, their own problems and forget about this portion of my life. Yet, I can't excuse them.

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Last weekend I joined many other computer and radio hobbyists at the Trenton Computer Festival for two days of talks, workshops, and parts-vendors. While I was not on the program this year, I found a number of interesting presentations offered, and I spent much of the weekend attending talks. Two of the themes explored were security and privacy, and communicating with nontraditional devices wirelessly using Internet protocols.

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I woke up this morning thinking of a friend, Jennifer Stowers-Quintal. Jen was a promising teacher, artist, musician and dancer from the Boston area. The light of so many lives, including her amazing parents, her fiancé and her students at the Blackstone Elementary School in the South End of Boston, Jen passed away in 2003 at the age of 23 just 3 months after surviving the Station Nightclub Fire and 6 weeks before her planned wedding.

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I am still in the allergy battle of the century.  Two ear infections in four weeks.  A cough.  A nose that literally hasn't stopped running for almost a month.   I think I'm finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's been a long, hard road this year. 

Diabetes has been, at best, uncooperative.  At worst, a total nightmare.  

Between work and personal stress and being sick and unable to get to the gym, I've seen way too many high highs and a few low lows related to aggressive treament of high highs.  I have wished more than once in the past month for a normal, fully functional body.  

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I believe my mother thinks it's silly that I celebrate my diabetes diagnosis anniversary every year now. This year I'm enjoying fondue with a lot of good friends and I couldn't be more excited. Tomorrow, March 3, marks 19 years with type 1 diabetes. Complication free!!!

But the response I get from my mother every year is kind of like "that again? really?" She is all around supportive of my diabetes. She was my artificial pancreas until I was about 12 years old and took over everything completely. She was there the day that this got started and for the many days leading up to it. She's been through it all.

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This past weekend was absolutely wonderful. I trekked to central Texas to spend the weekend in the company of my oldest friend (known the longest, not oldest by age) and attend the JDRF Austin Type 1 Now event. I also had the awesome pleasure of meeting Kerri Sparling who blogs over at Six Until Me and others.

Friday night, my non-diabetic friend and I had a late dinner and glass of wine after I'd sat in traffic for most of the evening. We stayed up chatting for awhile, just catching up and having some good laughs. The feeling of being with a friend of almost 12 years is indescribable. There is not much we haven't been through together and it's so appreciated.

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