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We found 10 result(s) that match your search "feeling overwhelmed":

I am feeling a bit discouraged and overwhelmed today. Just a week ago I was high on getting my exercise in and then wham, I let it stop being top priority and it fell away.
I wish I could just wake up and eat what I like, not eat if I like, pretty much I'd like to do whatever I darn well please. I feel so much pressure. Pressure to eat right for the baby, eat right for the diabetes and weight thing, exercise, test at regular times, eat at regular times, log my eating, try to get enough sleep, write enough posts for here, etc., etc. I'd love to give up some sleep to get some things done, but that just messes with everything else I'm trying to do. (READ MORE)

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I've been anxiously awaiting today for several weeks now. It's the mix of fear and excitement that can't be explained. Because today I met with my new endo and my old CDE (from the pediatric days). And today, I'm completely bittersweet about this disease.

 

The endo was quite amazing. She's fairly young, seems knowledgeable, but most importantly we seemed to be pretty much on the same page with this whole thing. Not only was she in the room before the nurse finished the finger prick, blood pressure, and weight checks, but she spent over an hour with me personally. I'm in awe, the drop your jaw on the floor kind of awe mixed with the standing ovation type of awe.

 

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At 8am, I woke up to the alarm on my phone. I checked my blood sugar and was dumbfounded by the number on the screen. I was almost 100 points higher than I'd gone to bed at the night before. Pizza. Why are things never the same around here?

 

Around 9am, I left for work with an early start. Maybe I could leave early since I'd gotten some extra time the afternoon before as well. It was a thought at least. This week was my week to cut my hours back to my original 20. I'm attempting to stabilize my schedule before school throws another curve ball into the mix.

 

At 11am, I ate some crackers since my stomach was feeling a bit off. I didn't check my blood sugar and I didn't do insulin. I still haven't gotten totally comfortable with injections in my workplace. Especially since more people have been added in my office so I'm no longer alone.

 

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I spent quite a bit of last week in desperate sadness. My mom would call and I'd want to stay on the phone forever. When we'd hang up, I'd be overwhelmed. My mind raced with doubt of relationships, nostalgia for the past, and a general hatred for what my life was. It was the all too familiar signs of the mood issues I had that started the investigation into the rest of my health.

 

Back in 2006, I started having what I term "crying spells." Moments of complete hysteria brought on by absolutely nothing. Not the nothing of a stubbed toe or a snippy comment. The nothing of a perfectly fine life. And I'd suddenly be in tears. My overall mood stayed okay, determined by stress and outside forces. But these breaks were out of my own control, out of body experiences.

 

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I am the perfect procrastinator. It's an art that I've mastered over the last...twenty-one years, I'm sure. On everything. From homework, papers, health, doctor's appointments, family get togethers, dinner. You name it, I've procrastinated doing it.

 

Unfortunately, a big chunk of my recent procrastination is my diabetes. I keep making these deadlines for myself...saying I'll do it next week or starting tomorrow or starting at the first of the year. But am I doing it? That's a big, fat, stinking NO.

 

And I think I'm more upset by my lack of will power than the actual fact that I'm letting this disease run away with me. But I just feel so overwhelmed still.

 

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I feel extremely out of sorts with myself lately. I feel out of my own body, like I'm a wakling zombie. I ache, I hurt, I have no energy. And it's greatly affecting my moods. I feel so raw, so broken, so frustrated.

 

I have 61 days left on the Accutane. And I cannot wait. I may even throw a party on my last day. I'm literally going insane at the moment. Just trying to make it 61 more days...without crawling into a hole.

 

I keep reminding myself that it's working. My last check up showed roughly 70% improvement. And this last dosage increase has me even more improved. I'm going several days to a week without breakouts, getting far fewer when they happen, and not spending as much time hating myself in the mirror. I wish I was completely clear, but I know that I'm just finishing the third month here and I have two more to go so I can't expect perfection quite yet.

 

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There's a reason I don't watch 9/11 memorials and retrospectives. I spent too many months breathing in the remains of the never-identified mixed with burning concrete, steel, and asbestos. For too many months, my previously-direct route into work was disrupted and made roundabout. For too many months, the scaffolding, National Guardsmen, barricaded streets, and ubiquitous grey dust left us worried of another attack that might complete the destruction that the attacks on the World Trade Center left half-done. I spent too many months wondering about what my religious responsibilities were to the families of those I never knew, whose loved ones' remains would remain as a body burden in my lungs, and too many months worrying about latent effects that might not show up until ten, twenty, or even thirty years after my exposure to that environment.

 

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Today was a gorgeous day. I had cheesecake for breakfast, worked a quick day, then came home to an apartment smelling like flowers (thanks to Marvin!). The weather was perfect in the mid 70s without the humidity that I'm so used to. No clouds to be found. No smell of smog. Just pure Spring.

 

When I got home, I put on my running shoes. I haven't been for a real run in the outdoors since a year or two ago. Cold weather, crime, and a busy schedule haven't let me enjoy the breeze as I pump my legs.

 

I didn't make it far and had to walk and run in order to keep from passing out. But the feel of the sun on my back and the wind beating against me was splendid. And a perfect blood sugar through out (started at 138, ate 15 carbs, ended at 119) couldn't have added anymore joy to the day.

 

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Sometimes I hit points in my life where I'm just not sure where to go next. I get a strong feeling that something needs to move or shift or change, but there's no clear answer or path. It's not the kind of ambivalence or discontent that leaves you feeling restless in life. I've had that too and usually solve it with a vacation.

 

This is the kind of emotion that is brought about by high stress and a definite need for change. When life isn't going quite right and in order to keep your sanity, some aspect needs to move out of the way so that life can move forward and not get stuck inside the stress ball that's growing.

 

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Confidence can be a weird thing.

 

My first job as a reporter was for a small community newspaper. I remember sitting at my parents' house with a friend of the family who asked how things were going.

 

"I can't tell if I'm getting better at it or if it's getting too easy for me," I said.

 

I know now that I was getting better at it. And I know that when it comes to photography, I'm getting better at it. I'm learning with each shoot, which is good.

 

My last shoot went swimmingly well. The little 3-year-old girl I was taking pictures of was so spunky and so full of life that it was beyond easy to take her picture. In fact, it was a joy to have her in front of the camera. I left that shoot feeling wonderful. And the feeling overwhelmed me as I edited the shoot.

 

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