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Olivia recently pulled a stunt that simultaneously scared the crap out of me and made me madder that a sack full of wet cats.
She, against my instructions, set up an account on My Space. I found out she had it a while ago and would check her site every few days just to make sure everything was kept above board. She mostly used it to talk to her friends and to check out celebrities like Hannah Freakin' Montana. Oy. I let her know that I knew about it and that I was checking it out and she was fine with that.
Until this weekend, however. She changed her age to read 17 (she's 13) and some random guy contacted her. They talked for a bit until he started getting graphic at which point, she told him to leave her alone. What made me angry was that she gave the guy her name, her school and her address. What sent me thru the roof was that I didn't hear this from her, but rather from the vice principal at her school. Yeah, that one went over well.
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Olivia recently pulled a stunt that simultaneously scared the crap out of me and made me madder that a sack full of wet cats.
She, against my instructions, set up an account on My Space. I found out she had it a while ago and would check her site every few days just to make sure everything was kept above board. She mostly used it to talk to her friends and to check out celebrities like Hannah Freakin' Montana. Oy. I let her know that I knew about it and that I was checking it out and she was fine with that.
Until this weekend, however. She changed her age to read 17 (she's 13) and some random guy contacted her. They talked for a bit until he started getting graphic at which point, she told him to leave her alone. What made me angry was that she gave the guy her name, her school and her address. What sent me thru the roof was that I didn't hear this from her, but rather from the vice principal at her school. Yeah, that one went over well.
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Fear of needles. Fear of blood. Fear of hospitals or doctors. These are all normal phobias in the world. People commonly relate to one or all of these fears, whether from bad experiences, horror stories or movies/TV shows.
But for a diabetic, what are our fears? Of course, many diabetics deal with the fear of needles, blood or hospitals/doctors. I'm fine with the needles and the blood, but I have a strong dislike towards doctors. I wouldn't say I'm afraid of them, but I don't particularly like to hear what they have to say (this stems from every doctor's appointment in my past that I would leave crying from because my control just wasn't good enough).
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I did an
insulin pump infusion set site change this morning, by the ubiquitous lamp light on the dresser. My fiance (seven weeks until the wedding!) and I were talking about thresholds for pain and how I don't have much tolerance for emotional pain but my threshold for physical pain is high.
"I know. You can stick yourself with needles all day long but you freak out if you see a spider." He grinned at me.
"I know that needles aren't going to try and crawl on my head at night, that's for sure."
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I hate today.
My annual eye exam is this afternoon and every time I have to have this done, it seems I get more freaked out about it. I have a “thing” about my eyes. Let me put it to you this way, the first time I got contact lenses it took me literally 1 hour to get one in! It's embarrassing to admit that but it is the truth.
The fear I have is two fold. The uncomfortable procedure itself and whatever the doctor will find.
I cannot stand those thick eye drops. It is like molasses. Thick sticky muck being dropped in my eyes. I hate it. And it stings. At least to me it stings and there is little worse then eyes that are stinging in my humble opinion.
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To sum up Charlie's recent doctor's visit in which we greatly anticipated an improved A1c result, the words of two great American female poets come to mind.
"First, when there's nothing but a slow glowing dream
That your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind
All alone I have cried silent tears full of pride
In a world made of steel, made of stone
What a feeling, bein's believin'
I can't have it all, now I'm dancin' for my life
Take your passion, and make it happen
Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life" - Irene Cara
And of course ,.
"Whoa, maybe he's no romeo
But he's my lovin one-man show
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Let's hear it for the boy" - Deniece Williams
Incidentally, I honestly always thought the Irene Cara lyric was "take your pants off and make it happen" rather than "take your passion and make it happen." Very risqué and quite unlikely even for the mid-80s, but that's just how I heard it.
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One of the ways I break up my day is to frequently check in with my sisters at
Diabetic Mommy. This morning I posted a question on the message board that has gotten me thinking lately.
I wanted to know how much everyone spends on groceries on a weekly basis. For our family of five, I spend an average of $200 a week on food, toiletries and other incidentals. Basically, anything I can pick up at WalMart. Our budget, though, needs some tweaking and there are few things left to adjust besides our grocery bill.
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I'm often told what a wonderful mother I would make.
I'm often asked if Bob and I plan to have kids of our own.
My answer is usually something along the lines of "Who knows? Maybe someday we'll decide to adopt or foster children, but it's not likely I'll be giving birth anytime in the future."
This is around the time in the conversation that I get "the look." Sometimes, the person will express out loud what "the look" says so clearly. "It's the diabetes, isn't it?"
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My view of diabetes changes with the tides it seems. Sometimes I look at it as a lifestyle that I must adopt to stay healthy. Sometimes I look at it as a challenge in which I can take on and beat. Other times I look at it as a curse.
Right now, I look at my diabetes as a battle. A battle that I don't want to fight. Not now.
The problem is all of the fighting will never stop. We just fight and fight and there is no winning. No matter how much I stay in control or how much exercise I do, I will still have diabetes. My a1c can be the same as someone without diabetes but my battle will continue.
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"Mom, I've been peeing a lot today. Prolly five times since we got home," No. 1 says to me as I'm lying on the bed counting the seconds until the kids go to bed. Yes, it's been a stressful, well, five days, and I can't wait to go back to work. But I digress.
No. 1 has been "complaining" quite a bit lately about his need to frequently see a man about a horse. He doesn't know that those comments make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My head goes right to worst-case scenario, although reality does tell me that he has no obvious symptoms on the diabetes checklist.
Sure, he's going potty more often than he thinks he should, but he's not drinking obsessively, he's not overly tired (usually beats me out of bed in the morning, in fact), doesn't have an insatiable hunger, nada.
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