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At some time during our diabetic self-discovery, we are told that diabetes -- like most chronic illnesses -- is often accompanied by a second "D": depression. Considering the amount of time we need to put into consideration of our diets, exercise, drugs, and doctor visits -- and how much that takes out of what would otherwise be disposable income -- it's hardly surprising. Nor should it come to anyone's surprise that this level of attention to detail often smacks of another mental-health issue: obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. It is considered "normal" -- even encouraged -- for people with diabetes to arrange our lives around our blood glucose levels, logging every single reading, every single milligram of metformin or subunit of insulin, weighing and logging every single morsel of food or fluid that passes our lips, every step of exercise, every moment of every day of our lives. (READ MORE)

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Some years ago, I joined an online "healthy eating forum", expecting support in eating healthy (fresh, whole, medically-appropriate) foods in reasonable amounts -- the same sort of community support one expects from a community in which people are looking to lose or maintain weight. What I found instead was a community of young women in various stages of recovery from eating disorders or disordered eating, or progressing from one type of disordered eating to another.

 

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(continued from Part I)

Myth 6.

"If you take insulin, or more than one type of insulin -- or you wear an insulin pump -- or you have to take pills and not-eat certain foods -- you have the 'bad kind' of diabetes."

• Fact: There is no good kind of diabetes. Each type of diabetes has its challenges in maintaining relatively normal blood glucose levels. Each type of diabetes, left unchecked, can cause complications and death.
• Fact: The really, really bad kinds of diabetes are diabetes that has not been diagnosed and diabetes that is not actively managed, whether by pills, insulin, and/or diet, and that is not well-monitored (by home glucose testing).
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While waiting for Olivia to take her swim test at Clara Barton last week, I was eavesdropping on a couple of girls standing in front of me. They scared the crap out of me.
They were both talking about how they hated having to take insulin because insulin makes you fat. "It's true," one girl said, "I read it on the internet." The other girl was amazed, but believed her readily.
Then they started discussing how they both let themselves run high - so high that their meters just say HI - in order to maintain or even lose some weight. They both said that they rarely checked themselves, maybe checked a couple of times a week, lied to their parents about the frequency of their checks and made up bg readings. At this point, my eyebrows were practically at my hairline and I was trying to unobtrusively move a little closer so I could continue to listen. (READ MORE)

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"There’s a problem with Christmas," Charlie blurted out on Wednesday after dinner.

 

He looked troubled. His face was pink and he hid his eyes from Susanne’s with his forearm as if she was Medusa.

 

"What’s the problem with Christmas?" Susanne asked.

 

He shook his head.

 

"Charlie. Tell me. What’s the problem?"

 

"I can’t say it," he mumbled, his sleeve stuffed in his mouth like a gag.

 

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I've been doing some reading on diabulimia. It's not a recognized eating disorder, but it certainly sounds like it should be.

Diabulimia is a means of weight loss, primarily suffered by young women. In order to lose weight, they use far less, sometimes even no insulin and let their blood sugars run very high. It means they can eat whatever they want without it having any repercussions on their weight. I remember how skinny Olivia was when she was diagnosed, just before her 3rd birthday. She only weighed 24 lbs. Her body was eating itself.
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When I go grocery shopping, I rarely buy junk food. If there's a big game (Yeah, sorry about last night, all you Rockies fans. Sort of sorry anyway. OK, not really sorry at all....), I might buy a bag of chips. Once in a great while, I'll buy brownie mix or I'll make cookies. It's not a regular occurrence around here, however, mainly because we don't have the money in our grocery budget to buy crap like that and also because, well, it's crap. Of little or no nutritional value.

One of the main reasons, though, is because Olivia will just eat it all up. A pan of brownies will be gone in a day. A bag of Doritos? Two sittings. It's ridiculous.
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Just as hyperglycemia is but the tip of the iceberg when discussing the physical ravages of diabetes, depression is but the most visible diagnosis of how diabetes affects our minds.

 

I'm not talking about the temporary states of anxiety or paranoia, lassitude or somnolescence, that accompany our glycemic highs and lows, but the long-term, "you should get psychological help for this" effects of living with chronic disease in general, and diabetes in particular.

 

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D was exactly what I needed. In fact, what I got from her was what I thought I was going to get from the counselor I started seeing last month about my eating/food issues. My counselor highly recommended that I see D. (Initially I scoffed at the idea of a nutritionist because I didn't need someone to tell me what to eat; I need someone to focus on the "why.")

 

D is more than a nutritionist. She deals with lifestyle issues as they relate to nutrition, eating disorders (in the broadest sense of that term), as well as nutrition. When I first contacted her she asked what we would be working on. I detailed what I wanted ("I want to lose weight and I need someone to help me do it") and what I didn't want ("I don't need an eat-this-don't-eat-that meal plan").

 

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As I mentioned in my previous post, there's been a great deal of discussion lately about what it means to be a diabetic and how we as type 1s and type 2s self-identify with our disorders.  It's come as part of a larger (and, in my opinion, 100% stupid) dialogue about which is worse, type 1 or type 2 diabetes.

 

I was going to make a joke here, something like "My answer is type 2, because I don't have type 1, ba-DUM!"  But the thing is, it's not entirely a joke, when you think about it.

 

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