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When I posted this, I didn't expect much reaction. I was being honest about this disease as I'm called to do as a diabetes blogger. I was being honest with myself about living with a chronic illness for eighteen plus years and another chronic illness for five years.

Throughout the past three years of blogging here at dLife, I've faced a few reactions to some of my posts. One reader even going so far as to call the university that I attended to tell them of my "out of control" diabetes because I'd had a low blood sugar in the 30s. The honesty in my blogs can leave people with strong reactions.

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I’m mad.

It’s not even lunch time on the day of my appointment and already I’m looking for a new endo.

I’m mad. But mostly I think I’m homesick for Dr. C and his practice. I’m not sure I can put my thoughts together coherently, so you’re being subjected to my morning in bullet points.

• I don’t remember how I settled on this doctor, but it seems to me that his office was the closest one for a doctor whose credentials didn’t come from the University of Guatemala or University of the Phillipines.

• In the waiting room I sat. And sat. I sat too long considering my appointment was at 8 a.m. Once I got in a room I sat. And sat. I sat too long considering I barely had time to think about picking up a magazine at Dr. C’s office much less actually read several articles.

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My lab results finally showed up in my mom's mailbox yesterday after my appointment back on the 4th. I'd been impatiently waiting the last week or so to get my A1c results and find out where I stood. I was tempted to call the doctor's office, but I didn't want to hear the nurse's lecture on my out of range numbers. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty and I wasn't willing to hear what I already know.

So my mom read me the results over the phone yesterday. My A1c is 8.4% which is up from 8.3% in June. My estimated average numbers are at 194. All the other lab results were within range. My mom read the numbers then the subscript "All lab results normal except diabetes results. Poorly controlled."

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I logged onto Facebook like I typically do at the end of a busy day. I'm not the type that updates her status a thousand times a day or checks her friends pages for new additions. Mostly, I keep Facebook up and running to stay in touch with other PWDs around the globe as well as childhood friends.

When I logged on this time, I began my usual run through of the news feed. Friends posting their status changes...where they ate dinner, who they spent their evening with, and so many personal details of their lives. I saw pictures and groups and the endless list of updates.

As I scrolled, I noticed something different about the page. Our beloved blue candles were back on many of my friends pages. At least those with the D. I saw some names pop up but wasn't sure what I was missing.

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It's my time...to manage myself.

I've blogged about my pediatric endo a couple of times on dLife. A Dr. H. who was a total God-send to my health and my family during those rough pediatric years. He was the kind of doctor that reminded you of your dad or grandpa, a fun-loving man who loved his job, his patients, and his life. Everything about him screamed "I want to help YOU!"

At 13, 14, 15...well all through my teenage years, I didn't see that though. I saw him as the annoying doctor who kept insisting that I could do this and I just knew that I couldn't and wouldn't. He wasn't walking this disease with me everyday, how could he know??? I'd leave appointments annoyed, tired, and often crying (although the crying lessened with Dr. H. than with any other doctor). He called me the most stubborn patient that he ever had (I believe a previous endo had recorded that in my chart).

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The most recent heat wave may have passed, but summer is still in full swing -- which means heat-related health alerts. While these issues are not directly related to diabetes, diabetes can confound a heat-related health issue, making it harder to recognize and treat. Heat-related symptoms can mimic sugar-related symptoms and vice-versa, so it is in our best interests to know our normal ranges and reactions to the greatest degree possible.

The most basic heat issue is hydration. For some of us, dehydration will cause our blood glucose levels to drop; for others, it will cause those readings to rise. For some of us, the physical stress of dehydration will, at one point or another, trigger an adrenaline response and its associated glycogen release, leading to u-shaped curves (think "Dawn Phenomenon").

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How many times have you been talking to someone about your diabetes diagnosis, and had them respond by saying the following: "You don't look sick!"?

And how many of you have ever rattled off a list of medical conditions to someone, only to have them say "You're too young to have that much wrong with you!"?

I'd be willing to bet just about every one with diabetes or any other invisible illness has heard those lines at some point.  I certainly have.  Admittedly, I find them rather annoying.

Some days, I don't even acknowledge those comments, because I just don't have it in me to deal with them.  Other days, however, I'm not so passive.

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What would you say if your doctor insisted that he had correctly diagnosed the disease as something chronic, but not necessarily debilitating, and was giving you medicines that all should be working?

Now, what would you say if there was a less-common form of that medical condition that had all the same symptoms, but was caused by a completely different disease -- one that was immediately life-threatening -- and which required a different form of therapy? What would you say if your doctor refused to consider the possibility of that less-common disease? And what would you say if there were two common tests that could confirm whether or not the less-common diagnosis was correct, but your doctor refused to order them?

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A week or so ago, Marvin and I were discussing fertility in the context of the measles affecting a man's fertility. I have no idea how it came up, but it did in that weird way that topics randomly pass across the synapses. In the course of our conversation, I mentioned my own fertility.

Between PCOS and endometriosis, there's a strong possibility that I have fertility problems. No doctor has told me that and I don't need to know for several years. But it's the statistical facts that both those conditions affect the ability to get pregnant.

Marvin's response: "That sucks. I want lots of kids."

It was an unexpected comment. Mainly because we are casually dating and it was such a blatant statement that he was considering having kids with me. It isn't like I haven't considered the same prospect, but it was still a slight shock to hear the words come out of his mouth.

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The weather outside has been relatively mild the past couple of weeks -- but you'd hardly know it from looking at me. I've been fairly consistently wearing base layers underneath my short-sleeved workshirts, multiple layers of polar fleece indoors, consuming more commercially-made soup than is good for me, drinking copious amounts of coffee, and still feeling chilled and unable to warm up.

Lest you think it's all in my head, my hands have been turning blackish from my fingernails to my knuckles -- and my toes, likewise. It's not the first autumn that I've had to deal with these issues, but it seems ridiculous that I should have to wear base layers designed to be worn for outdoor winter sports (these garments actually come with warnings to not wear them in conditions over 55 degrees Fahrenheit!) indoors just to keep from constantly shivering, yawning, and doing everything else that suggests I'm running borderline hypothermic.

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