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If you weren't aware, Oprah did an entire episode today on diabetes. The silent killer, the demise of America. People are dropping like flies!!! Haven't you heard?

Okay, maybe I should give Ms. Oprah a little credit for putting this out there. It IS an epidemic. But she owes me a correction. Type 2 is an epidemic! Yes, more and more type 1s are popping up. For goodness sake, I know so many people who were diagnosed in the last 5 years...it's kind of insane. But type 1 is not the focus of Oprah's show.

Although she didn't exactly point that out. The show opens with diabetes being this silent killer, the demise of the population. She actually says that people are dropping like flies. Yep. Like flies. Dr. Oz helps her out with some tricky animation that shows insulin rejecting sugar and the pancreas secreting yellow goo and all sorts of lovely images.

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Dear Oprah,

I used to be a fan. I used to watch your show all the time. Probably every day. That was back when I was in school and was home by the time you were on.

After I got into the real world and started working, I rarely saw your show. And frankly when I did, it was pretty sensationalized. As a member of the media, I pretty much hate sensationalism. I may be in the media minority when it comes to that, but it's a direction that I simply can't stand our industry has gone in.

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In accordance with American Diabetes Month, dLife bloggers are focusing on how we can improve in different areas of our diabetes management.

Numbers. A decent one to us might be not so decent to you. It’s a matter of perspective.

The nurse couldn’t reach Susanne earlier so she called me at work to give me Charlie’s number.

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“Aaaaaaaaaargh!” I screamed. I practically slammed my meter down on my bedside table. The Mr., who was half asleep next to me, was startled.

“What?”

“85!” I said angrily as I stomped down to the kitchen. It was 10:30 p.m. and I was in bed and in no mood to deal with a blood sugar that was too low to go to sleep and a downward trend on Dexcom.

I ate a granola bar, though I didn’t want to. And drank a few sips of milk. And took inventory of dinner: steak, potatoes, green beans, birthday cake, milk.

I went back upstairs and watched Dex like a hawk continue to go down. I reached for the SweeTarts. And then I got cranky. I could feel it all over, but I showed it by saying “I hate Valentine’s Day” after watching a commercial for jewelry or chocolates or something equally Valentine’s Day. “It’s just so commercial.”

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I spent quite a bit of last week in desperate sadness. My mom would call and I'd want to stay on the phone forever. When we'd hang up, I'd be overwhelmed. My mind raced with doubt of relationships, nostalgia for the past, and a general hatred for what my life was. It was the all too familiar signs of the mood issues I had that started the investigation into the rest of my health.

Back in 2006, I started having what I term "crying spells." Moments of complete hysteria brought on by absolutely nothing. Not the nothing of a stubbed toe or a snippy comment. The nothing of a perfectly fine life. And I'd suddenly be in tears. My overall mood stayed okay, determined by stress and outside forces. But these breaks were out of my own control, out of body experiences.

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It's my time...to appreciate the past.

Dear Mom,

I've probably never thanked you out loud for the years of care that you've put into my life. And I should. Every day of my life. Because you have been the rock, the support, and the lifeline that I've need in the past 16+ years of living with diabetes.

I've heard the way you tell my diagnosis story. I hear the fear in your voice, the emotion run through you. I know that those months were some of the hardest in your life. When you talk about watching me have seizures and bad night lows, I hear that same fear and emotion. I know having a diabetic child must be one of the most difficult things to encounter as a parent. I know it wasn't what you expected or wanted or needed in your only girl.

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I don't usually see a lot of symptoms with high blood sugars. There are stages to the highs for me. Anything between goal and 200, I feel fairly normal. Above 200, I start seeing a few symptoms but nothing noticeable. When I hit above 260, I start seeing a lot more. The nausea sometimes sets in. I get headaches. I'll get antsy in the pit of my stomach. And above 400, the nausea almost always leads to throwing up (luckily I've only experienced this a few times in my history of diabetes).

My Accutane dosage was increased last week, which sent my blood sugars into another tailspin. Where I was seeing quite a few lows and lower need for insulin, I'm back to bumping up the boluses and shifting the basal levels of Lantus. It's frustrating. But worse, I believe I'm seeing a different kind of high symptom that I absolutely despise.

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There are times that I forget that I'm only 21 years old. Times where I miss the point that I'm young, I'm supposed to be enjoying this life that I'm living, and the basic premise that there's only one life to live (soap operas and all). It's the small moment in my head when I see a girl my age truly living; it's when my friends make broader decisions than I do; it's the monotony of trying to stay in control for all of time.

All these moments start at the root of one thing. Diabetes. Being diagnosed with a chronic, life-threatening illness at four years old doesn't do much to preserve childhood. Receiving strict rules and special accommodations all throughout those pivotal years doesn't make for the ability to live freely.

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Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year but for so many it is not. The holidays tend to be a time that people reflect on the past year and sometimes that can be a real downer.

This Christmas will not be so “Holly Jolly” for me.

My health was pretty good as far as my diabetes goes. I had no major incidents like DKA or hospitalization of any kind so that front has been pretty good. In fact, I may have some really good news to share soon but I will wait for the official word on that.

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I haven't been eating right at all lately. I know what everyone will say because my mother has told me the same things already. I need to focus, I need to keep my eating habits on track, I need to stay healthy. But right now, I don't need to be told this. I need to find a way myself, on my own, to fix this.

I'm just not very hungry lately. Or if I'm hungry, I have no appetite. I can go hours upon hours without eating or even thinking of eating. And when my stomach finally growls, I peruse the pantry and come up with nothing. I want nothing.

But then there are these times where I just want to eat and eat. I'm not hungry, but pounds of food seem ideal. I want cookies, donuts, Coke, and cake. I just eat and eat, until I just get tired of eating.

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