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I'm not talking about the temporary states of anxiety or paranoia, lassitude or somnolescence, that accompany our glycemic highs and lows, but the long-term, "you should get psychological help for this" effects of living with chronic disease in general, and diabetes in particular.

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Monday morning, I headed to the endo in a state of hope and undeniable fear. I wanted Metformin, but had no idea how it might go in order to get it...being type 1 and all. I've been so run down by the PCOS symptoms that I'm dealing with, especially the acne. And I needed this to get through, to try, to continue hoping.

So when I posed the question of using Metformin, my heart was in my throat. Would Dr. K give me the request? Would she work with me to possibly solve some of my biggest health issues?

No. The risk that Metformin causes for acidosis was too much for a type 1, in her opinion. It just isn't an option for me...in her words.

It felt like a hammer to the thumb, a blow to the stomach, a slap in the face. The last piece of hope that I was holding on to...stripped from me. All because I'm a type 1 diabetic. The one last try that I had to solve my PCOS issues...gone.

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My blood sugars are in a world all their own lately. Last weeks averages are in the 200's...something I haven't experienced in probably three to four years. Even between sick days, periods, and holidays, my averages never top 190.

But last week was a total landslide in the diabetes realm. My body is telling me something, although I'm not positive what it is. And unfortunately, those blood sugars are now telling my body something else as they've wreaked havoc on my immune system, my energy level, and my concentration.

I really did try to work on my list of diabetes "to-do's" over the past week. I stopped forgetting my Lantus injections and I only let a bolus slide once or twice. I didn't check as much as I should have, nor did I get any more workouts into my routine. But I was hoping the slight increase in positive diabetes behavior would have a decreasing effect on those blood sugars.

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Diabetes is a unique disease in many ways.

One way that I never really realized until recently is the guilt it places on the patient.

With other diseases, your doctor is in control of everything. Your medicine, how often you take it, and how much. But with Diabetes, the patient is the one who has to manage it. So when there is a problem, the patient gets blamed.

But is that fair? Sure, I know that I decide if I am going to take my insulin on time, or bolus correctly. I am the one who either chooses to exercise or not and eat healthy foods or not. Those are up to me.

But, tell me this, who is to blame when I take my insulin correctly, exercise, do everything right, and for no reason my blood sugar is 270?

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It's crunchy and sweet -- even when it's not a sugar cereal. It's wet and soft and smooth. It's great for dinner or breakfast.

I love cereal. It used to be the only thing I ate for breakfast: two bowls of Cheerios and I was set all morning. Occasionally I'd mix it up with a bagel or something, but my breakfast staple was cereal. This was, of course, pre-diabetes.

It was an accident that I found out what milk does to my blood sugar. I was pregnant and taking only Lantus at the time. One morning the milk was gone and I drank water with my PB (no J) sandwich (yeah, yuck). I had a pretty blunt "ah-ha" moment when I saw the post prandial.

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