One week into my revised blood glucose monitoring plan and the results are scary. Actually, "atrocious" is the word I used when e-mailing my doctor begging for help. The numbers are so bad that I found myself hiding my logs from my mom when she came over last week. It's that bad.
Prior to having a baby, I was very much in control of my diabetes. I have been a more than compliant patient from diagnosis through the birth of my son. So when my doctor suggested I need to take it easy and lay off the obsessive testing for a while, I took his advice.
Of course, I tend to do things in extremes. "Take it easy" turned into "don't test at all, unless you're feeling low." Now I can see how easy it is to ignore a disease that has virtually no symptoms.
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Throughout my diabetes life, I've developed some bad habits. I'm a perfectionist and hate having them linger over my diabetes. I've decided that I need to break these bad habits if I truly want to excel on my pump and in life. I'm at a point where I realize all the great things I'm looking forward to: establishing a career, starting a family, building my dream home. I don't want to miss one second of my future because I made poor decisions with my diabetes. So I'm challenging myself to make a list of the five habits of my diabetes life and work on curbing each one:
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Ever since I was little, my mom has always told me that there was a reason behind my diabetes. I've always believed her and hoped that one day I would realize what the reason was. When my other health conditions developed, we had the same conversation. There was a reason behind my health problems.
Occasionally, ideas pop into my head. Sometimes I think I know, but mostly I feel that I have no clue what's behind all my health problems. It all seems so pointless. There is one consistent theme throughout the ideas in my mind though.
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I started
logging again on Sunday. Sunday's logs weren't all filled out, but I was diligent about it yesterday. For the first time in a very, very long time, I had an entire day of blood sugars and food on paper.
It felt good enough that I continued this morning (insert uncontrollable sarcastic laughing here). OK so it's not that bad. I am a bit nervous, though, about how long it will last. The logging, I mean; not the laughter.
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I started
logging again on Sunday. Sunday's logs weren't all filled out, but I was diligent about it yesterday. For the first time in a very, very long time, I had an entire day of blood sugars and food on paper.
It felt good enough that I continued this morning (insert uncontrollable sarcastic laughing here). OK so it's not that bad. I am a bit nervous, though, about how long it will last. The logging, I mean; not the laughter.
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"When Nick Jonas is 26, I'll be 20," my daughter Maeve said with the sun in her eyes in the back seat as we drove to Point Pleasant.
"I have experience with diabetes," she said, making her case for why she'd be his ideal bride.
I have been blogging in the diabetes community for about two years now. Never have I actually met any of my invisible friends; these physical strangers that know more about me than my extended family does. There's definitely a certain safeness in existing only in words.
All that changed on Saturday when I met up with fellow diabetes blogger and parent of a child with diabetes, Shannon and her family. Shannon's 8-year-old son Brendon was diagnosed when he was just a toddler.
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Not long after I wrote
this post about a news story that called bariatric surgery a "cure" for type 2 diabetes, a friend of mine emailed to ask about one of the comments. A reader suggested that there will never be a cure for diabetes because the disease is a money maker.
I explained to my friend that the multi-billion-dollar industry makes a profit in so many areas: test strips, meters, oral drugs, insulin, pumps, syringes, even accessories. What motivation is there, I asked her, for the world to come up with a cure and put all those good people out of work.
I may be naive and woefully open minded, but I am not a pessimist; I believe there are good doctors and researchers out there who are not motivated by money.
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Sometimes I am shocked at how invisible diabetes can be. I was having practice at church the other night for the contemporary band when my Bass player asked us to pray for him.
"Of course! What is going on?"
He explains to me that he is having surgery on his eye to drain fluid in it and would just like us to keep him in our prayers. He started telling us about how he had this same surgery on his other eye and that it worked really well so he his hopeful that this surgery will be another success. I asked him what causes
the problem he is having.
"Diabetes."
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