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May 24th, 2012
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I knew it was coming. The inevitability of a binge sat in the back of my mind like a cat gearing up to pounce on its prey. You know, the way he eases on to his back legs and shuffles back and forth, twitching his nose until the unsuspecting mouse/bird/snake isn't looking his way?
At the grocery store, I spent quite a bit more than I had hoped on routine groceries. As I was unpacking I realized that it was because of all the junk that found its way into the cart-despite my constant please to the kids to Put That Down! They say not to shop when you're hungry. I'd have to add not to shop when the cookie monster is raging inside you. Interestingly, though, when I left for the store it wasn't with junk food in mind. It's almost as if the store brainwashed me into thinking I had to have this stuff. (READ MORE)


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Some years ago, I joined an online "healthy eating forum", expecting support in eating healthy (fresh, whole, medically-appropriate) foods in reasonable amounts -- the same sort of community support one expects from a community in which people are looking to lose or maintain weight. What I found instead was a community of young women in various stages of recovery from eating disorders or disordered eating, or progressing from one type of disordered eating to another.

 

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I haven't been eating right at all lately. I know what everyone will say because my mother has told me the same things already. I need to focus, I need to keep my eating habits on track, I need to stay healthy. But right now, I don't need to be told this. I need to find a way myself, on my own, to fix this.

 

I'm just not very hungry lately. Or if I'm hungry, I have no appetite. I can go hours upon hours without eating or even thinking of eating. And when my stomach finally growls, I peruse the pantry and come up with nothing. I want nothing.

 

But then there are these times where I just want to eat and eat. I'm not hungry, but pounds of food seem ideal. I want cookies, donuts, Coke, and cake. I just eat and eat, until I just get tired of eating.

 

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I got a bit of flak from a number of folk in the type 1 community for juxtaposing the You Can Do This project with the "you CAN eat this if you have diabetes" mentality of, well, many of the same folk. The issue is, the same folk who are, on the one hand, encouraging us to test and inject and correct are the folk who are talking about Food Police and Diabetes Police and how we, as people with diabetes, have to fight against those stereotypes by -- well, by eating all those things we should never touch with a ten-foot-pole.

 

This may work for people with type 1 diabetes, but it can be deadly for those of us with type 2.

 

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At some time during our diabetic self-discovery, we are told that diabetes -- like most chronic illnesses -- is often accompanied by a second "D": depression. Considering the amount of time we need to put into consideration of our diets, exercise, drugs, and doctor visits -- and how much that takes out of what would otherwise be disposable income -- it's hardly surprising. Nor should it come to anyone's surprise that this level of attention to detail often smacks of another mental-health issue: obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. It is considered "normal" -- even encouraged -- for people with diabetes to arrange our lives around our blood glucose levels, logging every single reading, every single milligram of metformin or subunit of insulin, weighing and logging every single morsel of food or fluid that passes our lips, every step of exercise, every moment of every day of our lives. (READ MORE)


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When I go grocery shopping, I rarely buy junk food. If there's a big game (Yeah, sorry about last night, all you Rockies fans. Sort of sorry anyway. OK, not really sorry at all....), I might buy a bag of chips. Once in a great while, I'll buy brownie mix or I'll make cookies. It's not a regular occurrence around here, however, mainly because we don't have the money in our grocery budget to buy crap like that and also because, well, it's crap. Of little or no nutritional value.

One of the main reasons, though, is because Olivia will just eat it all up. A pan of brownies will be gone in a day. A bag of Doritos? Two sittings. It's ridiculous.
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Just as hyperglycemia is but the tip of the iceberg when discussing the physical ravages of diabetes, depression is but the most visible diagnosis of how diabetes affects our minds.

 

I'm not talking about the temporary states of anxiety or paranoia, lassitude or somnolescence, that accompany our glycemic highs and lows, but the long-term, "you should get psychological help for this" effects of living with chronic disease in general, and diabetes in particular.

 

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There was a time when I was almost ninety pounds heavier than I am today.  Ninety pounds.  That's a whole other person.  When I think back to heavier days, I don't remember being miserable - not exactly.  What I remember is this very heavy sense of inertia.  This sense that the world was pretty heavy all of the time and I think that my weight reflected that feeling. 

 

I would often binge, I was not terribly active (read: I didn't sit on the couch all of the time, but the thought of seeking out activity didn't appeal to me either), I made poor food choices and paid little attention as over about five years, my weight climbed and climbed. 

 

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It's Spring break. The kids are home from school and the sun is shining (well, not really, but just go with it). Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yeah, I know it's crazy, but hey, it's Spring Break. You're only young once. Let's get a little wild!

 

I'm talkin' one full week of all-inclusive, inverted, unadulterated, topless …

 

BASAL TESTING!

 

Woo-hoo! Par-tay!

 

How awesome is this gonna be? Charlie will get the full Spring Break experience. Unlimited Jell-O shots; binge testing; zany contests to see how long he can go without eating. It will be like being in Cabo San Lucas only from the comfort of our own home.

 

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I find that dinner seems to throw my sugars off worse than anything! I guess I just can't help myself whenever it gets to be chow time. I LOVE ME SOME FOOD! It never fails; I'll go through the whole day and not have one high sugar and then BAM! Hyperglycemia CITY!

My eyes get way too big for my stomach!

Usually I'll come home after a long day, start raiding the cabinets and throwing random stuff together, next thing you know, I got a plate a nachos, some peanut butter cookies, and a Popsicle!

I know, I know, I am supposed to eat healthy all the time...or something like that. I don't want people to think that because I'm a trainer that I eat perfect every day! I'm only human!
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Julia
JuliaJulia lives behind the Tofu Curtain, in the Pioneer Valley, in Western Massachusetts. It's a nice place. She likes it there. Her eldest daughter, Olivia, has type 1 diabetes. She's also 13. It's a real toss-up as to which is more difficult -- the diabetes or the teen-age drama. (Read More)
Lindsey Guerin
Lindsey GuerinLindsey is a typical, yet unique, Texas girl who loves shopping, movies and reading. She loves to travel and take risks. She dreams of diabetes cures, never-ending cheesecake and her own airplane. The rest you can discover in her blog! (Read More)
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