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May 24th, 2012
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Ever since I was little, my mom has always told me that there was a reason behind my diabetes. I've always believed her and hoped that one day I would realize what the reason was. When my other health conditions developed, we had the same conversation. There was a reason behind my health problems.

 

Occasionally, ideas pop into my head. Sometimes I think I know, but mostly I feel that I have no clue what's behind all my health problems. It all seems so pointless. There is one consistent theme throughout the ideas in my mind though.

 

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Marvin and I are not engaged, getting pregnant, nor planning on these things in the next months. But it's beginning to be on the table in my life and I want to make sure that I'm prepared. I expect in the next two to three years that these things will be a reality for me instead of a fantasy on my Pinterest boards, but even so far off, I'm the kind of girl who wants all her ducks in a row before any big events happen.

 

My OCD was pushed into overdrive on Friday night when Marvin mentioned in casual conversation that he'd never adopt. It's not a conversation that we've approached so far, nor was it one that I was ready for apparently. Nonetheless, it was brought to my attention by his random comment and kind of took me by surprise.

 

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Today is moving day. I don't think I could be more excited to be out of this place and into the new one. I've got a final few boxes to pack then load the car and head over to get my new keys. My mom and cousin are on the way and Marvin is helping with all the big stuff. I have such a great support system.

 

Even though my mind is cluttered with boxes and cleaning and all the things that I need to do before I actually make the trek over to the new apartment, I'm also in another train of thought right now. Coming off several days of talk of marriage with coworkers and announcements of babies all around me, my mind is considering what the future holds for me.

 

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This morning, I checked my email as usual. JDRF had sent a clinical trial list to me. I tend to check the list every now and then to just see if there is anything I qualify for and anything that works for me. I've contacted a few over the years but never commited to anything (usually they are out of state and I can't afford the travel expenses).

 

Today was different though. I clicked on two studies. One involved a new kind of insulin. I wasn't too thrilled about the way it sounded. Another really caught my eye though. Islet cell transplants.

 

I've looked at transplants a lot through the years. Way back when, they started using seaweed and all sorts of things to help the body accept the transplants. I've heard good and bad stories from it. I've always been interested, but never quite sure what it would mean for me.

 

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Sadly, I've been watching a lot of TV lately. The whole no school and no job thing leaves me with a lot of free time. This morning I was watching the Today show. A segment on infertility came on as soon as I switched the TV on.

 

As a woman with type 1 diabetes, PCOS, and endometriosis, infertility has become a definite part of my vocabulary. No doctor has told me that I am infertile and I'm in no place to need to know. Infertility is just something that's been listed on my possible "side effects" and "symptoms" list and something that I've tossed over in my mind.

 

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Sometimes diabetes makes me feel so alone. I've always been the "token" diabetic in my family. And after almost fifteen years of being the only one, I'm adjusted to the idea. I'm good at doing this "alone." I actually like it. I know that no one I love deals with it. I never have anyone to blame. Plus it makes me unique.
In October of last year... that all changed. My dad was diagnosed with type 1. I've never worried about my parents getting it, only my future children. Yet here we are: my father has my disease. It feels horrible, a true blow to the gut. (READ MORE)


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Every November, those of us in the diabetes community bewail the "invisibility" of our condition, our passion, our advocacy over the remaining eleven months of the year. One of our ongoing gripes is that -- unlike breast cancer's pink ribbon, the red ribbon of AIDS awareness, Livestrong's iconic yellow wristband, or the double-cross of the American Lung Association -- there is no single, universally-recognized symbol or color representing diabetes.

 

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A week or so ago, Marvin and I were discussing fertility in the context of the measles affecting a man's fertility. I have no idea how it came up, but it did in that weird way that topics randomly pass across the synapses. In the course of our conversation, I mentioned my own fertility.

 

Between PCOS and endometriosis, there's a strong possibility that I have fertility problems. No doctor has told me that and I don't need to know for several years. But it's the statistical facts that both those conditions affect the ability to get pregnant.

 

Marvin's response: "That sucks. I want lots of kids."

 

It was an unexpected comment. Mainly because we are casually dating and it was such a blatant statement that he was considering having kids with me. It isn't like I haven't considered the same prospect, but it was still a slight shock to hear the words come out of his mouth.

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Julia
JuliaJulia lives behind the Tofu Curtain, in the Pioneer Valley, in Western Massachusetts. It's a nice place. She likes it there. Her eldest daughter, Olivia, has type 1 diabetes. She's also 13. It's a real toss-up as to which is more difficult -- the diabetes or the teen-age drama. (Read More)
Carey Potash
Carey PotashCarey is a full-time hater of diabetes. The benefits stink. His 7-year-old son, Charlie, has been giving he and his wife the finger since November of 2003. Carey's parenting humor has appeared in various websites and print magazines. He resides in the suburbs of Philadelphia with his wife and three children. (Read More)
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