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Charlie got happy on Saturday. Happy to the tune of 520 mg/dl.

For several reasons, if we have something fun planned for the kids, we don't divulge the news until the very last moment. This is because A. – it's really annoying to hear "is it time to go yet?" over and over again for weeks because they can't comprehend the concept of time or understand the complexities of calendars,  B. – we don't want them to be disappointed if for some reason we can't go, and 3. – it's really annoying to hear "is it time to go yet" over and over again for weeks.

When we went to Disney, we kept that secret for months. They found out we were going to Disney about three hours before our flight to Orlando was to depart.

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Ever since I got my pump, I stopped logging my blood sugars. Typically, I kept a running chart of every blood sugar categorized by time of day and weekly averages. But since the pump stores all of my information and produces such wonderful graphs, I stopped logging.

However, those graphs do not show specific blood sugar trends on a weekly basis and the numbers are never directly in front of me (haunting me at times). So I decided that I would get back on the logbook wagon.

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The first time I knew “it” was in ninth grade. My class had to lead a chapel session at my private school. I was in charge of reading a passage of scriptures and leading music with some of the other kids. It was the first chapel my class had done. We’d be in front of a hundred of our peers and a dozen of our teachers.

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It seems that I've been a bit MIA over the past week. Honestly, until I sat down today I hadn't even thought about the blog other than reading you guys' encouraging comments over the week. Blogging, diabetes, all this is just far from my mind these days.

My last blog talked about how I was struggling with some severe loneliness and still very much adjusting to life and its changes. Well, I'm still struggling although I've made some lists, set some goals, and got my head back on my shoulders straight. My stress level hasn't quite caught up yet though.

Today, I went through my graduate program's new student orientation. As I listened to professors and other students, I realized that I was actually concerned that I'd taken on too much. I know that I'm a strong student, but so are a lot of those admitted to the program. And if they were saying working and taking 12 hours was tough, well I didn't want to risk it.

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I really tried to work exercise into my evening routine. I really, really did. But my evenings just don’t work for exercise. There’s laundry, dinner, getting kids ready for the next day and a host of other things that just don’t jive with exercise.
 

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This week is my first week at the new job without 12 hour training days and mental overload on the learning end. I'm struggling to find balance between a typical 40 hour work week at a high intensity job and keeping on top of everything else in my life. Like relationships, food choices, diabetes, yoga, the cat, and doing the things I love to do (i.e. reading, watching crime shows, blogging). Life seems too hectic right now.

My normal day starts around 7am. I get ready for work, test my blood sugar for the only confirmed "this is happening" time of day, eat, and make the drive to work. Work varies greatly by day. Sometimes I'm sitting in the courthouse for hours learning cases or working with volunteers. Sometimes I'm in the office picking up on the last training tidbits and beginning the transition from the former Supervisor to me. I never eat lunch at the same time. I never leave work at the same time.

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He lunges from left to right, securing his black Pumas against the goal post and suffocates the bright-orange hockey ball before the marauding yellow team can squeak it past him.

When the whistle stops play, he glances over to make sure we're watching. Happy as a clam behind his helmet's cage and bopping his head up and down like a parrot.

"Way to go, Cholly!" one of the fathers yells, slouching comfortably  in his folding chair.

"His name is Charlie," his son says, stressing the "arlie."

"Well here in Philadelphia, we say Cholly," he says proudly, adjusting his thick gold chain around his deeply tanned neck.

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So pretty much after almost every endo appointment -- and all those pesky questions about how my numbers have been -- I think that I should get back to logging my numbers and my food. Well, mostly my food since my numbers are stored in my pump.

But having a food log in conjunction with my pump numbers and the copious information from Dexcom may help me and my doctors do some adjusting. And I'm quite certain it will help me continue to lower my A1C.

Ugh, just the thought of logging is overwhelming. I carry around a three-ring binder with all my "things" packed in it. It's like a mini briefcase. I'm much more likely to pay attention to stuff if I have to rifle through it every now and then. Carrying an actual briefcase left me finding important things shoved in the bottom way after they were needed.

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I'm all written out at the moment.  But I figured I'd share a series of open notes.  Some of these I've actually sent:

Dear Halle Berry,

Stop saying you cured your diabetes.  It's confusing to people who don't know any better.

Thank you,

Nicole

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Dear Cupcakes,

Why do you have to be so good?  You make me eat you and you are difficult to get right in terms of bolusing.   I don't want you to go away, because that would be sad, but I would like it if you weren't so good.

Thank you, 

Nicole

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Dear Mornings,

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