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Back in November I wrote a song called "Not By Choice" for World Diabetes Day.

The words I wrote were pulled from my memories of how it felt to be diagnosed and not know what type one diabetes was. Thoughts like, “why did this happen to me?” “What did I do wrong?” And I blamed myself for a long time too.

Then I found this community online. The Diabetes O.C. which we affectionately call it and a community I mention often. When I found this group of other people with diabetes who had those same feelings, I realized that we could help one another and not give up hope.

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Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year but for so many it is not. The holidays tend to be a time that people reflect on the past year and sometimes that can be a real downer.

This Christmas will not be so “Holly Jolly” for me.

My health was pretty good as far as my diabetes goes. I had no major incidents like DKA or hospitalization of any kind so that front has been pretty good. In fact, I may have some really good news to share soon but I will wait for the official word on that.

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It’s been one of those days, the type of day where you just want to get some things off your chest (or mind). I wrote my last blog about television. I said some strong things; I got out some strong feelings. But they were heartfelt at the time, and looking back, I still feel strongly about what I said. TV sucks. It’s not natural. Their are a few things on occasion that are worth watching; sometimes you can catch something on that is educational or good for the soul. TV CAN be used as a good medium, or tool for our health. Sometimes, you see something you connect with or that gets you fired up, but in a good way. Tonight, for example, I watched a documentary on Netflix called, “Mario’s Story.”

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The past week has been intense, to say the least. I had three midterms, two of which I didn't feel prepared for up until about 5 minutes before the exam. And one of those was canceled so now I'm looking at three this week despite doing all the work for three last week. On top of that, I have homework assignments and meetings and bills due.

But the topper is that my leg infection from last week is no where near better. It actually got much worse Wednesday through Thursday. It finally started healing a little on Friday, but turned into an incredibly painful sore over the weekend. So now, I'm heading to the doctor bright and early in the morning hoping that isn't as serious as it feels.

Between the busy schedule and the infection, my blood sugars have been way too high. I even raised my Lantus today to combat the elevated glucose. Unfortunately, the crash that I was expecting didn't come in the form of blood sugars.

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It's about once a week now that my college sends out an important "Flu" reminder. Wash your hands, stay at home if you experience symptoms, and seek treatment immediately for the more severe. We've had several reports of swine flu, including some students in my friends' classes. And more and more of my friends are coming down with colds and "flu-like symptoms."

For me, every reminder and every swine flu diagnosis sends a tiny shock-wave through my system. I know that my immune system isn't that of a healthy, non-diabetic. It has its weak spots, its vulnerabilities. Especially lately with all these highs and crazy numbers.

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I went to the doctor about my leg again yesterday. A different one. One that I feel much more comfortable with in the whole scheme of things. She seemed confident, personable, and concerned. They asked about my blood sugars, about what had been going on, and all that jazz.

And she believes that the infection is probably from a spider bite that turned into MRSA. Yep, MRSA. The big, scary staph infection. So now I'm sincerely hoping the new course of antibiotics kicks in soon. Because I'm totally run down in body and soul with this whole thing. I'm so exhausted, but can't sleep. I'm in pain. I'm annoyed.

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I didn't sleep enough Wednesday night, so by Thursday afternoon my eyelids were heavy and my body was screaming out "Sleep! Sleep!" So a little after five in the afternoon, I decided to take a quick nap. A little power nap to recharge my batteries before diving into study and cleaning mode to prepare for the coming weekend.

My blood sugar was at 222 with only a little active insulin. I'd been high in the early afternoon and hadn't accurately bolused for a late lunch. I decided to leave it alone until after my nap though...giving my body an hour or two to use that remaining insulin and peak out.

I curled up in bed with my cat and a good book...falling asleep within a few minutes. It was a dreamless sleep...too deep to notice the world around me or the world inside me. A limitless fatigue overwhelming every inch of my body and soul. The effects of ineffective sleeping and the recent change in medications.

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