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August 28th, 2008
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Over the weekend, I met up with Nicole to see Blithe Spirit at the Trinity Rep, in Providence, RI. If you have a chance to see this, go. It's wickedly funny. I loved it.

After the show, we went out to a late lunch/early supper (lupper?) and the talk turned, as it so often does, to diabetes. We talked about food choices that Nicole made as a child and what Olivia makes for food choices now. Nicole was telling me that her mother doled out cookies to her, 2 at a sitting, which made her feel as though she had to horde them and hide them in her room, to have whenever she wanted.

I don't go thru that with Olivia, but she does tend to plow thru food. I've pretty much eliminated junk food from our house. I still get it once in a while, but it's not always here. What is here are good-for-you snacks, like fresh fruit and yoghurt and whole grain crackers.
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So now I don't know what to do.  I caught Olivia in a couple of blatant, non-diabetes related lies tonight and my whole thread of hope that it might be a meter issue vanished like the pathetic puff of smoke it was.

 

Is it appropriate to punish a kid for lying about her diabetes stuff?  Part of me is really inclined to because it's not just failure to remember, it's outright lying.  But the other part of me, the part that's a total pushover at times, is hesitant.  I think I need to be harder on her than I have been, but I'm not sure how hard to be.  I don't want to come down like a ton of bricks, but I don't want her thinking she can constantly pull one over on me.

 

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A recent post I put up, about trying to manage Olivia's blood sugars, generated a comment from someone about regulating carbs. I was initially kind of pissed off by the answer. I realized, after thinking about it for a couple of days, that I was more pissed off with myself than with the commenter. (READ MORE)


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Up until dinner time tonight, I was having a great day. Nothing out of the ordinary. And then I got an incredible shock.
I'd been snacking on some candy all day, but I thought I had been bolusing appropriately. Apparently not. I knew I'd be high going into dinner, but the highest I imagined was still lower than 250. I thought my meter was pulling my leg when I saw 448.
"Holy fffffffffffff..........." I said as I actually jumped as if someone had jumped out of the bushes and scared me.
"What? What? Are you high?" The Mr. wanted to know.
I nodded. I could feel my face getting red with embarassment. I looked at my pump (like it would have the answer!) and then my site. Surely there was something wrong with my site. I had just changed it about six hours ago and hadn't checked my sugar since. My site was obviously the problem.
I checked my sugar again, thinking maybe something was on my fingers and trying to retrace where my hands had been over the last hour. (READ MORE)


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Turns out my dinner-time debacle last night wasn't my fault.
While I blamed myself for a blood sugar reading of 500 on my afternoon candy grazing and failure to bolus, my new medical accessory was actually the culprit.
Thinking the candy was the problem, I bolused for dinner and went on with my evening. I considered that my site was the problem, but it wasn't red nor itchy nor anything else out of the ordinary. Two hours after dinner, when I was still 500, I changed my site. (READ MORE)


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Tonight I took all three girls to my father's house because my step-brother and his wife were up for a visit. It was a nice night, low-key and relaxed. Until I realized that The Bug, who is almost 18 months old, was sucking back water like it was going out of style. She also peed thru two diapers in the course of two and a half hours.

Of course my brain immediately went to diabetes. I'll be checking her first thing in the morning, since she'd been snacking pretty much since we walked in the door.
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Nausea? Check.
Potty problems? Check.
Lack of appetite? Check.
Feeling full? Check.
Happy with Symlin? Check.
I know, you think I'm crazy, but really I'm not. Promise.
This morning I clicked up to the highest Symlin dose--60 mcg. And by lunch you know where I was. But, at least that aspect is subsiding some. I'm starting to realize more consistently what I really wanted from Symlin: the effects on my appetite and desire to eat.
Most mornings it's a struggle to choke down my oatmeal breakfast. And even more of a struggle to convince myself to have a snack mid-morning. Sounds miserable, you say? But this is a drastic change in my habits pre-Symlin. Lunches and dinners I'm seeing similar benefits, namely eating much, much smaller portions and not snacking before bed. Oh, get this: The Mr. suggested we go to Dairy Queen last night for some ice cream and I was nauseous just thinking about it. (READ MORE)


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...I don't want to make the effort. This has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of insulin I take or optimal blood sugar control--although those aspects of dropping a few pounds would certainly be welcome.
I simply hate the way I look. I can't stand how I look in a mirror. I wonder all the time if people are staring at my thunder things or three-baby-having flabby abdomen. Realistically I know I'm the one focusing on these issues, but as a girl I still wonder what others think.
It's ironic, but I find myself being judgemental of other plus-size women. How can she be taken seriously when she's so chunky? I'm sure the judgements go both ways, and I suppose this affects my self-confidence in a way I haven't been able to truly see.
It's easy to pick apart all the things that I don't like about my body, and I don't look at myself too long in a mirror, and I often imagine how other people see me. (READ MORE)


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It's funny when your routine changes--either in a minor way or in a way that completely shifts your life--how hard it is to fit certain necessities back in.

 

We're sort of starting from scratch here in Arizona. New house, new jobs, new doctors, new almost everything. And since my benefits don't start until Sept. 1 (holy crap is 90 days a long time!), I've been without the nearly constant companionship of Dr. C for about six weeks now. While I know he's always available to me and said he would keep in touch and continue to monitor CareLink when I update until I get a new endo, the distance somehow makes things different.

 

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Well here's something I didn't see coming: Sugar-Free Chocolate Chip Girl Scout cookies. I walked into the lunch room at work and there, on the stainless steel countertop, rested this never-before-seen box of cookies.
"Where did these come from?" I asked my co-worker.
"No idea," they said, through a mouthful of crumbs. "But they're pretty tasty."

(I love when people without diabetes can't tell that they're eating something less crammed with sugar than what they're used to.) (READ MORE)


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Julia
Julia lives behind the Tofu Curtain, in the Pioneer Valley, in Western Massachusetts. It's a nice place. She likes it there. Her eldest daughter, Olivia, has type 1 diabetes. She's also 13. It's a real toss-up as to which is more difficult -- the diabetes or the teen-age drama. (Read More)

Latest Posts: Back To School | Fell Off The Face Of The Earth | When Universal Health Care Isn't Universal

Michelle Kowalski
Michelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, has had type 2 diabetes since February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)

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