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November 21st, 2009
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Some thoughts I came up with today while working out on the beach.

 

The sun hits my face, the presence of the ocean waves is enough to make even the most unaware people stop and look and think. This place feels safe and powerful within me in the deepest parts of my existence. I sit down and face the infiniteness of the sea in front of me. It’s all around. Birds are soaring, some hunting, some settled in the sand protecting themselves from the unforgiving winds that race down the coast. The wind is blowing hard today, enough to knock a person down and remind them of who’s in charge. The air blows past me and through me like it doesn’t even know I’m there, flying over the earth with no purpose - no final destination, no end. It just blows just to blow. It’s beautiful.

 

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There is a lot going on today. A lot. I guess I'm not very happy, but I am trying my darndest to be. I am dealing with more emotions today than I can ever remember having. I have a lot of personal stuff happening and I have been trying to share as much of that with you all as I can. As you know, I am in the middle of a life changing experience with my career. Just last night I sent my resume, cover letter, and references off to what I hope to be my next, and potentially last employer. Also, so much is going on in the world with people suffering, hurting, and being sick. And last but not least, I wasn't able to train martial arts today, and instead I ate a freaking pizza.
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I get frustrated every day. Diabetes is making me feel like I am semi-losing my mind. I literally have to ask myself everyday, "Am I losing it"? To be honest with you it is scaring me a little. My sugars are all over place. Is this blood sugar roller coaster "normal" for those people out there who are doing "good" with diabetes?

I would like to pose a question to you if you're reading this right now and you are a person with type 1 diabetes and take daily insulin injections. If you have an A1C of 6 or lower, how often are your sugars in the 200's... if ever?
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I haven't had much to blog about lately and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Many times I get the motivation to write something simply out of frustration with my diabetes. A lot of times people write about things that are bothering them. People also share experiences they go through where diabetes somehow negatively comes into play.

I am happy to say that today and the past week have been pretty good for me.

I have been working more, working out a lot, and having surprisingly great control over my blood sugars.
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Last week my husband saw an ad in our local newspaper for a free self-defense class at the hospital. He insisted that I go. I thought it would be a great way to learn how to defend myself, so I eagerly went along.
Last night as I prepared to walk out the door I realized I hadn't eaten dinner. I suspected that since the class was being taught by a martial arts instructor that there would be some physical fitness involved. I wondered if I should have a snack or at least test my sugar before I left, but in the back of my mind I knew I'd be OK since I had been eating rather poorly that afternoon (as usual). (READ MORE)


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As some of you may have read in my biography, I am very active. I really enjoy exercising. Really. I actually do enjoy it. And I am not talking about just getting on a treadmill everyday. Honestly, I haven't even been on a treadmill in months. I just love moving around. I have found it is great for my body and for my diabetes. I do so many things that I don't have enough room on this page to tell you about all of them. To name a few though, I particularly enjoy weight-lifting, martial arts and doing just about anything involved with the outdoors. (READ MORE)


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The clock hits 2:58 a.m.; it’s very early and dark this Thursday morning. I ask myself, “What in the F am I doing?” I’m wondering around the apartment with no lights on, nothing, not even the smallest of lights is on. I’m contemplating a lot right now. I had one of those days where I felt very alone. It’s not even all diabetes related, although, actually as I think about it even more I realize it all probably comes back to that.
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I have found another one of my deep passions. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
There are many things in this world that make me feel good: my girlfriend, being with my friends and family, going on long walks or hikes, building a nice fire and sitting around it feeling its warmth, traveling, joking around- basically you get the idea. I could continue to write down dozens of other things that make me feel good, but I'll spare you the time. Over the past couple of years, I have had one focus that especially makes me feel great, martial arts. I feel the main reason why I love kickboxing and jiu-jitsu is that I feel empowered. This is so important to me and my physical, spiritual, and mental health because getting diabetes at a young age took ALL of that away from me. (READ MORE)


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Things are better today. I appreciated the comments I got on my “What the F?” post. I agree, yeah sometimes I do probably think things to death. And yes, we all have “those days” from time to time- diabetes or no diabetes. Like I said, writing those posts in my “diary” (blog) made me feel much better. I said that it was good to see my diary again … and I meant it.

I also meant what I said about my martial arts and my health and being thankful for having the physical abilities that I am graced with. I try and maintain that positive outlook all the time.

With that being said and put aside for the time being, I would like to talk about a few other things today. I would really like to hear from you guys. If you don’t have the ability to comment, you should really see about becoming a member of dlife. We would love to have you contribute your two cents in the comment section below. (READ MORE)


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Things have been good these past couple of days. I have been working, working out, and overall my blood sugars seem to be pretty stable. Life is not too bad at the moment. Just as many of you, I have my good and bad days. I wanted to take the chance today to write about the good. Work is, well, work. At times it plays havoc with my sugar and it can be very stressful, but overall I am satisfied. At the end of the day or the end of the work week life gets instantly better. As soon as I walk out the door and I'm on my way to doing something non-work related, the problems I had disappear. Which leads me to my ultimate stress relief time - my workouts.
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Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Nicole Purcell
Nicole PurcellNicole Purcell lists having type 1 diabetes last when she's asked to provide information about herself - because that's where it belongs.

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