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May 25th, 2012
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Blah, blah, blah, here she goes again, pissing and moaning about logging.

Back when the year was shiny and new, as opposed to snow-covered and grubby (and enough with the snow already, ok? I'm SICK of it. Sick.) I resolved to be more diligent about logging Olivia's blood sugars. And for a few weeks I was. And then I forgot for a couple of days. And then it was Thursday and I thought, well, I'll just start over on Monday. And I forgot again.

I've logged in fits and starts over the last 2 months, but mostly, I haven't logged at all. And now she has an endo appointment tomorrow and I'm not going to have that much information to give her and I'm pissed at myself.

I just don't know how to make myself log. I forget. And if I'm forgetting to log, how am I supposed to teach Olivia? I'm not setting a good example at all and they always tell you (who are they anyway?) that you should lead by example when it comes to your kids.
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I just said the other day that I would not make New Year's resolutions this year. But I find myself thinking about them a lot yesterday and today.
I think some of it is caused by the holidays ending and needing a psychological substitute. I know for me, cleaning up the mess and packing away the holiday decorations leaves the house feeling like a clean slate. (READ MORE)


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I was going to write a post about glucose tabs today to represent the letter G. But I'm not going to deliver as promised. Because, another G has been on my mind of late and I wanted to write about it.
What, pray-tell, could deter me from the path of a post about chalky-lemony glucose tabs? Nothing terribly exciting - just the gym. (READ MORE)


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Where were you! We waited all night for you and you never showed up! Did you forget you had plans with Charlie?  Time and time again I trust you'll be there and time and time again you disappoint him. I feel like such a fool for believing you.


You say you're active. But, are you? Actively absent, maybe. When was the last time you spent some real quality time with him? When was the last time you spent the whole time with him that you said you would? I honestly can't remember. It's been that long.  How can you abandon him at a time when he needs you most?


You say you're "on board," but I don't think so. Sometimes I don't think you were ever on board. It's like you're not even there at all. Like you're invisible.

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Last week I set the bar high for myself. Too high. Out of a possible 25 points, I earned a total of 16. I can make all the excuses in the world for why I was not successful, but the truth of the matter is, I just wasn't as focused as I was the previous week.
But it's a new day, a new week and so far, I'm doing OK. I revamped my goals for the week, backtracking a bit closer to my original plan. This week, I'm focusing on:
1. Testing my blood sugar four times a day. Last week, I knocked this off the list entirely thinking I had it under control again, but then I slacked, so its back at the top of the list. (READ MORE)


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If there's one thing I've learned about prayer it's that sometimes you have to be pretty specific. As you know, I've been having trouble getting up in the morning with enough time for my walk.
So last night as I was doing my bedtime routine, I chanted over and over, "God, please help me get up in time to walk tomorrow." I really wanted to cover all my bases: I set my alarm 10 minutes earlier and decided to take advantage of the dual alarm and set "alarm 1" for 5:30 a.m. and "alarm 2" for 5:35 a.m. so that I'd really be bombarded with noise--and often! (READ MORE)


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Olivia has always struggled with math. She comes by it honestly, I suppose, since I had trouble with math as a kid, too. It's very frustrating for both of us because she doesn't understand it and I don't understand the way she's being taught.

I've spoken with her math teacher, her special ed teacher and the vice principal about Olivia's math grade, which is abysmal. They all assured me that the new way of teaching math makes it very difficult for parents to understand or help. Well, isn't that just fantastic.

When I spoke with her math teacher the other day, he mentioned that Olivia goes low a lot during his class, necessitating trips to the nurse's office. I went thru her pump and meter and she does sometimes go low in his class. Not regularly enough to change basal rates right now, though, of course.

I think when break is over, I'm going to do several things about this:
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It's so easy to slide back into old habits with diabetes. I do really well for a week, two weeks, sometimes I make it a whole month. Then life starts catching up and I realize that doing all these details with this disease is just really weighing me down.

 

So I slip up. Here and there, I skip a blood sugar check or forget to log something. And over time, all those tiny mess-ups add up to a lack of information that really hurts in the end. It hurts because it leaves me wondering what caused a certain number or why my averages just aren't heading any lower.

 

Right now, I'm right in the middle of all that. I did really well for about a week with keeping track of insulin injections and carb intake. Then I got burned out on life...school, diabetes, this whole pill issue. It all added up. And now I'm behind on the logging. I've missed important carb counts. I've stopped checking my blood sugar as much.

 

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When I have a lot going on, I always put aside testing my blood sugar. I'll go from checking 10 times a day to checking 4. With that much of a drop in tests, I can easily see my numbers start to rise across the board. So now that I've sat down with my logbook for the first time in two weeks, I can see the times of day that I don't test and what follows that.

 

I'm relentless about checking first thing in the morning. As soon as I wake up, my meter is sitting right beside me so it's easy to check before my feet even hit the floor. That regimen allows me to start my day off with a good decision: juice for lows and insulin for highs. Unfortunately, the rest of my day doesn't go as smoothly.

 

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After an emotional breakdown Monday night and multiple vent emails to close friends, I'm feeling more prepared to deal with everything that's going on with my health right now. I've done some research, reviewed information that I already knew, and taken some alone time. And I've come up with a plan:

 

My first step is to get my focus back. I need to make it to class, no matter what. Excuses are unacceptable. My first round of exams starts next week, which I'm not prepared for at all. So this week, I need to get back on track with my schoolwork. Reading, writing, and making it to class.

 

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Carey Potash
Carey PotashCarey is a full-time hater of diabetes. The benefits stink. His 7-year-old son, Charlie, has been giving he and his wife the finger since November of 2003. Carey's parenting humor has appeared in various websites and print magazines. He resides in the suburbs of Philadelphia with his wife and three children. (Read More)
Michelle Kowalski
Michelle KowalskiMichelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
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