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In the beginning, there is orange and black foil.  That foil is joined by yellow and red, with the black fading away.  In what seems like an instant, the yellow and orange are things of the past and the red takes hold alongside glittering green and silver.  All of these beautifully colored foils, they signify the enemy.   They are the harbingers of what is, quite possibly, the most difficult time of year for me; the dreaded days between Halloween and Christmas. 

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Right now, there is a lot running through my mind. And a lot going on inside my body. I feel the need to make lists, a comforting task that usually calms me in the strangest way. I also feel the need to go for a run, sleep forever, and chat with some good friends over hot chocolate. Which of those will win out? The lists, for sure. Maybe a run. Then some sleep.

There is surely more to my life than my health, right? This week I'm in need of constant reminders that this is the truth and that my life is NOT ruled by diabetes, PCOS, or whatever else is currently going on inside me. Despite the fact that Marvin* is running through my mind by some strange occurrences and that butterflies rise up in my stomach whenever I think that Monday I start submitting resumes to professional jobs, most of this week has been focused on my health or my ill health. Whichever way the glass fills.

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It used to be that "back to school shopping" meant two or three new outfits, new shoes and sneakers, and a short handful of "school supplies" -- one or two notebooks, paper and dividers, writing implements, a pencil case, and maybe a ruler.

For good or ill, those days are long gone.

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1. No. 2 has her first crush. It's cute and heart breaking at the same time. She has papers taped up all over her room declaring her love for this boy. Whenever she plays house she's always married to him and takes his last name. She constantly doodles his name on papers and her name with his last name. And makes lists of the names of their children. She's in deep, people. She's having trouble working up the guts to talk to him. All she really wants to do is say hi. She kind of wants him to know that she likes him, but she wants to tell him on her terms. One of her friends knows and apparently she told someone else. So now No. 2 is worried that the boy will find out. So we sat and talked for ages the other night about how to handle the situation. And tried to convince her of the best way to make contact. Poor thing still hasn't worked up the guts.

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It was a diabetes on TV sort of weekend. Did you guys see that one of the contestants on The Amazing Race has type 1 diabetes? She and her teammate are doctors from Arizona. She was shown testing her blood sugar in the car while in the thick of the race. She was 332, I think. I would think the adrenalin of a race around the world would wreak havoc on her blood sugars. Should be interesting to see how she adjusts to that and how much of the diabetes-related footage the producers decide to show.

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It seems that I've been a bit MIA over the past week. Honestly, until I sat down today I hadn't even thought about the blog other than reading you guys' encouraging comments over the week. Blogging, diabetes, all this is just far from my mind these days.

My last blog talked about how I was struggling with some severe loneliness and still very much adjusting to life and its changes. Well, I'm still struggling although I've made some lists, set some goals, and got my head back on my shoulders straight. My stress level hasn't quite caught up yet though.

Today, I went through my graduate program's new student orientation. As I listened to professors and other students, I realized that I was actually concerned that I'd taken on too much. I know that I'm a strong student, but so are a lot of those admitted to the program. And if they were saying working and taking 12 hours was tough, well I didn't want to risk it.

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This morning, I have the heat up and a fire burning. I'm attempting to take this third "snow/ice day" to get some of my own work done. Papers, research, and taxes. I also have to handle a stolen paycheck at some point (although I don't think the roads will let me get very far today and that requires a trip to the police station).

This cold weather does not motivate me to do much. Especially things that require running around town like picking up school books, going to that police station, and getting decent groceries. But even inside, I'd rather just curl up under my covers and watch TV.

There are things on my lists that I have to do though. I have to pay bills and handle some odd charges on my internet bill. I have to pay my taxes at some point (thanks, Uncle Sam). I also have to decide what my living situation is going to look like in the near future.

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Recently, I was talking with a good friend who has a daughter with a serious medical issue that has significant impacts on her speech and learning. We were discussing the frustration it causes when the world insists on defining the life of a child by way of the things they can't or won't do - outright ignoring the possibility and potential a child has.

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