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It might help if you read this when you're mad! Reading this may also cause you great relief! (It did for me). I cried when I wrote it. I laughed hysterically. I also edited out the bad words that I would have normally said, just so kids and mom's could still read it! This one felt great! Oh, and you may want to punch something when your done too. I DID!
Diabetes,
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Bottom line, my health and my fitness keep me sane. Everyday, literally everyday I look at my reflection and box, as I am walking through the apartment, or past the mirror in the bathroom. Sometimes outside, when I am working on something by my truck or some random reflection on a building, I’ll look at the reflection and practice my technique.
In the air, when I am doing the most basic of tasks, I find myself throwing my fists in the air at invincible targets. Sitting at my desk even. I move side to side, I jab, followed up with my crazy-strong right cross and my powerful hook and uppercut.
I knock them out.
Wap! Pow! Bang! Blast! ….. Got you’re *BLANK*! Mother *BLEEPER*!
Why am I fighting? Why the hate? Who am I fighting? Why am I like this? Is this healthy? Do I feel strong?
These are the questions I ask as I train. I think deep down I fight because of what I’ve been through, or what I go through.
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There's probably a good reason why iconic film characters don't tend to have diabetes. I was curious to see how diabetes might play out in a classic scene from a classic film. Stay tuned for more to come. Here's the first installment. It comes from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.
The scene:
After landing on Yavin IV, the Death Star plans are analyzed by the Rebel Alliance and a weakness is discovered that could potentially destroy the deadly space station. Teenage moisture farmer and Jedi-in-training Luke Skywalker, recently diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, is called upon to destroy the evil Death Star and save the Rebel base from total obliteration.
Luke's X-wing speeds down the trench; three TIE fighters, still in perfect unbroken formation, tail close behind.
Biggs looks around at the TIE fighters. He is worried.
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As much as I complain or write emotional entries about this disease, I do have my days where I am thankful. Today is one of those days. I have to say that without diabetes I would lack some major motivation! I have to remind myself that without this disease I wouldn't be so motivated to stay healthy or be the person that I am. It's funny, because at any given time I could be feeling completely irritated by it or absolutely thankful. Because of Diabetes mellitus I am fit, driven, and obsessed with good food!
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No, not an unpublished picture book from
Eric Carle's darker days. This very hungry vampire is full-bellied and satisfied after "pigging out" on Charlie's blood all night; his fingertips unknowingly served buffet style while he slept.
The mood was ripe for basal testing. It wasn't a site-change day. There wasn't a cold brewing. He didn't have pizza or any other type of slow-digesting fatty foods. He didn't have an excessive amount of physical activity during the day. He wasn't ovulating (that's certainly good news). He wasn't on steroids (yet). Baseball doesn't start until Spring. He didn't have a meltdown just prior to bedtime because he thought his sister was being "sartastic" when she said his victory over the whomping willow tree in the Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets video game was "fascinating." Yes, the mood was ripe.
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Diabetes has had us back on our heels and off-balance since school started. Charlie has had very high blood sugars. In turn, we're doing a lot of guessing. Guessing is not a great strategy when dealing with a major disease. Such is life with diabetes.
It is during these times that diabetes likes to send a message. It likes to bring you down to size and remind you that you're not in control. Just as we were about to make changes to deal with the constant highs, the unexpected sound of panic lifts me from my chair.
"Carey! Juice box now!!! He's very low!!!"
I pop from my chair like a firefighter responding to an alarm and grab two juice boxes. I can hear Susanne's voice growing louder as I make my way upstairs.
"CHARLIE! CHARLIE! I NEED YOU TO WAKE UP!"
"CHARLIE!"
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There is a lot going on today.
A lot. I guess I'm not very happy, but I am trying my darndest to be. I am dealing with more emotions today than I can ever remember having. I have a lot of personal stuff happening and I have been trying to share as much of that with you all as I can. As you know, I am in the middle of a life changing experience with my career. Just last night I sent my resume, cover letter, and references off to what I hope to be my next, and potentially last employer. Also, so much is going on in the world with people suffering, hurting, and being sick. And last but not least, I wasn't able to train martial arts today, and instead I ate a freaking pizza.
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Recently I got my hands on one of those “diabetes videos”. (It’s a long story about how I got it, but basically someone gave it to me for watching.) Needless to say I wasn’t all that “pumped up” (no pun intended) about viewing it. Although I have to admit, I was a little anxious to get home with it and “inject it” into the DVD player. (Ok sorry, no more puns.)
I was curious about what it might say … as any of us would have been, right??
I guess I was thinking at some point in the video it would tell me the KEY to “unlocking” the mystery of diabetes or that somehow by watching diabetes would magically and mysteriously disappear forever!
FAT CHANCE, RIGHT!?
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I've swallowed my pride and decided to apply for disability services here at school. They can offer me a few resources that I do not have access to otherwise. Most importantly, they give me the ability to register early for class and to notify my professor's that there is a legitimate health issue that I deal with.
The past two semesters, I've considered doing it, but I've also thought it was too embarrassing. But finally, things have gotten to the point where I'm realizing that it's not embarrassing, it's reality. So I've taken the initial steps to go through with it.
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