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I have vivid dreams. When I close my eyes at night, a whole new world appears, in living color. My dreams hold smells and sounds and sights that often rival the sensory reality of my waking life. There have been times when I could swear I've seen people, had conversations, and done things in real life, when these memories were simply creations of my sleeping mind. I know that I talk, run, laugh, and cry while I sleep; something that makes sharing a bed with me a real challenge. I suppose that the vividness of my dreams might be a reflection of the constant activity in my brain.
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I was at work, walking toward the cafeteria when Bert grabbed me. I play soccer with Bert. He was shaking and moving in clumsy circles and clearly disoriented. I immediately got out my testing supplies and checked his blood sugar. I snapped the pricker against his finger and blood drops spilled out continuously like a leaky faucet. When I saw the 7 on the meter screen, my heart stopped beating for a moment. I had never seen single digits. I sat Bert down in a chair and screamed for help. "I need juice!
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Been having weird dreams... Guess I'm a little anxious about the endo tomorrow... So in honor of odd dreams and anxiety:
Twas the night before my endo appointment, when all through the place
Not a meter was stirring, had my pump at my waist
My gym clothes were tucked in my backpack with care,
And I hoped that my work would show on the scale.
And I was nestled all snug in my bed,
While visions of low A1Cs danced in my head.
And me in my 'kerchief, and Bob in his cap,
Had just settled our brains for an early fall nap.
When in a weird dream there arose such a clatter,
The doctor he told me everything was the matter.
He said that my A1C had risen so fast,
And my weight was through the roof, I was simply aghast.
The moon it showed down as I tossed to and fro
The bad news continued from my dreamland endo.
When, what to my sleeping brain did appear
But a 400 plus cholesterol number, and my control-loss so clear.
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On such a winter's day.
I had another diabetes dream last night. It was even more horrible than
the last one I had. The one where I was testing Charlie and a blue liquid spilled from his finger rather than blood.
At 2:17 am, I scrambled in the darkness and found a nubby pencil the size of a cigarette butt and scrap paper to jot it all down before it faded fast from my memory. I should have just stayed in bed and let this terrible dream disappear.
[WARNING: gets a bit heavy]
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A funny thing happened this week. I turned forty.
Okay, perhaps it wasn't so funny.
The morning of my birthday, I took a long moment in front of my bathroom mirror. My apartment complex management was kind enough to replace the subtle lighting over the mirror that we'd had for two years with new, direct lights that look fancy but which might be more appropriate for an interrogation than the gentle transition from being asleep to facing the reality of my new life as a forty-something. Looking in the mirror, I swear I could hear the faint creaking sound of my bones as they calcified.
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A funny thing happened this week. I turned forty.
Okay, perhaps it wasn't so funny.
The morning of my birthday, I took a long moment in front of my bathroom mirror. My apartment complex management was kind enough to replace the subtle lighting over the mirror that we'd had for two years with new, direct lights that look fancy but which might be more appropriate for an interrogation than the gentle transition from being asleep to facing the reality of my new life as a forty-something. Looking in the mirror, I swear I could hear the faint creaking sound of my bones as they calcified.
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After a very long day at work and a difficult drive home, I walked into my house and announced that I was home but going to take nap. I marched into my room, dropped my bag at the end of the bed and hit the hay.
My journey into the land of dreams was almost immediate it seemed because no sooner did I close my eyes that I was woke up in a dark room
covered in sweat. I had kicked the blankets off and was trying to muster up the energy to sit up.
I could not do it. I heard footsteps around the house. Waiting for those footsteps to get close to my door so I could moan loud enough for someone to come in seemed like an eternity. And still I had no energy. I could hear my wife on the phone talking in what I thought was the dining room and my daughter listening to the Grease soundtrack in her room.
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Low blood sugars that happen in the middle of the night really suck! You're dead asleep, and then all of the sudden your dreams start getting confusing and weird. You start feeling like you should probably drag yourself out of bed and get something from your sugar stash. You barely have the energy to get up and then once you do you stumble around and nearly black out. You feel confused and you act and look as though you've had WAY too much to drink. Then after you climb back into bed you just sit there for a while and you try to wait patiently while your sugar goes back up or until you feel good enough to fall back asleep.
Well, that's what happened to me last night, and what I tend to experience almost once a week.
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This morning I have my first ever "
pump class". Ever since I was diagnosed, I have been on a multiple daily injections routine, so needless to say, I am a little nervous about this class. I am not really sure what to expect. I was told to be there from 8-12 and that lunch would be provided. Although I am nervous, I am also excited to learn about this new way to take care of my diabetes.
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The last few weeks have been gloomy. I am not referring to the weather either since here in Los Angeles we had over 100°F temperatures over the weekend. No I am talking about my outlook and mood.
While reading through all of the posts I have been writing I notice a
common theme. A sense of sad and gloom that is not typically me. Anyone who has ever met me would not consider me a "down" or depressing guy. I am usually the life of the party type who you can hardly get to sit still.
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