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November 22nd, 2008
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I’m mad.

 

It’s not even lunch time on the day of my appointment and already I’m looking for a new endo.

 

I’m mad. But mostly I think I’m homesick for Dr. C and his practice. I’m not sure I can put my thoughts together coherently, so you’re being subjected to my morning in bullet points.

 

• I don’t remember how I settled on this doctor, but it seems to me that his office was the closest one for a doctor whose credentials didn’t come from the University of Guatemala or University of the Phillipines.

 

• In the waiting room I sat. And sat. I sat too long considering my appointment was at 8 a.m. Once I got in a room I sat. And sat. I sat too long considering I barely had time to think about picking up a magazine at Dr. C’s office much less actually read several articles.

 

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I was so shocked when I read a comment on my post about finding the right doctor for me that all I could think about was the first line to the response I would write. I just couldn't get past the shock.

 

The commenter suggested that, in short, I should consider therapy to address my anger issues regarding diabetes. You know what, that person is right. I am angry that I have diabetes. Damn angry. And I should be angry. This disease has the potential to consume my life, affects my family and invades nearly every activity I do. I have a right to be angry.

 

But this is not the kind of anger that requires therapy. This is the kind of anger that requires action. Finding the right doctor for me – especially in a new city – takes time and knowledge. Knowledge of my body, my condition, my desire for quality healthcare.

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I really don't like going to the doctor. The endocrinologist to be specific. Every time I go, I just seem to leave disappointed. Sometimes it's less disappointment than others. Sometimes I'm just so angry at myself and at this disease. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get mad at the doctor (because OF COURSE, it's HIS fault I'm diabetic!). But mostly, the doctor just makes me feel alone in what I feel.

 

Today I had an endo appointment (if you didn't already guess). My last A1c was 6.9, my lowest ever. I was absolutely thrilled at that number, yet the perfectionist in me still wanted lower. And I honestly tried for lower (less in the last month or so though). But life got in the way.

 

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Twice this week I've literally said "Oh crap! That's this week? Once was for a birthday party for No. 1 and once was the realization that my next endo appointment is Tuesday.
I'm feeling rather confident going into this appointment. OK, actually I think I'm being a little too cocky. I sort of feel like my A1C is going to be the most amazing drop from a 9 that anyone has ever seen just because I've started walking more and the Novolog is really, really helping my numbers. And I know this because I'm actually testing more than once or twice a day. I need to sort of bring myself down to size, but I really doubt that will happen until I get the results of my A1C test.
In the time that I saw Dr. C last, I have started and stopped Byetta, developed terrible TERRIBLE seasonal allergies that a steroid shot didn't even touch, started nasal allergy medicines, found myself walking at least five days a week, and rather enjoying the control I seem to have taking Novolog. (READ MORE)


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On average, I test seven times a day. It can range from five to twelve, depending on activity, emotions, symptoms, and my memory.

 

Today, I've already tested four times and I'm only half way through the day. Yesterday, I tested nine times. The day before, I tested eight.

 

Obviously, I go through bottles of strips quickly. Twenty-five to a container doesn't make it very far. Sometimes two days, sometimes four.

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Last week I wrote about my experience with my new endo. Today marks a week from that first visit and the day I am supposed to fax over a weeks worth of BG readings and boluses from my pump.

 

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After fighting lows on Glyburide last week, my doctor suggested trying just diet and exercise again. I thought he was crazy, it hasn't worked the last two times that I tried it, so why should it work this time. He gave it 80-percent odds of working. I jokingly asked if he wanted to put a friendly wager on it. I'm glad I didn't.
I am amazed to report that after one week without any anti-diabetes medication, my blood sugar had remained pretty normal for the most part. Granted, I'm only testing before meals, but still 90 percent of those readings have been under or close to 100. The one or two higher numbers I had were the result of a very bad night's sleep with a teething boy. Everything else, even bedtime numbers, was right in range. (READ MORE)


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I haven't made it a full week without insulin and things are looking pretty scary already. But I'm humoring my doctor and playing along with this little experiement. The sad part is, I'm not even taking post-meal readings, just fasting, premeal and bedtime. And the results are, to me at least, unacceptable.
I really don't like having high blood sugar. It's not just seeing high numbers on the meter that bothers me. It's the little things, like the insatiable hunger and thirst, the fatigue and blurry vision. I don't know how high blood sugar has to be before it affects your vision, but it seems lately, my sight is fuzzy again, especially in the evenings. Really annoying because I want to get new glasses, but I need my vision to be stable before making that kind of investment. (READ MORE)


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I've gotten into the habit lately of bolusing for a meal more toward the middle or the end instead of before. It depends on a number of factors, including what and when I ate last, what I'm getting ready to eat, and what my pre-meal blood sugar is. This mid-meal bolus stems from several instances when I've either gone low or started to go low before I even finish eating. It's pretty unnerving to feel a low so close to a meal.

 

Like today, for example. I tested at 130 not long before we headed downstairs to eat lunch. Since there are few tables for the amount of people who typically choose to eat lunch in the lobby, I went ahead of the microwave-users to secure a place for the five of us.

 

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In anticipation of my end of the month endo appointment, I have to go for fasting blood work this week. I'm dreading it. To me, this one of the most inconvenient things in the world for several reasons.
First off, it has taken years for me to get into the habit of eating breakfast. Now that I'm a regular at the breakfast table, I'm completely hooked on the most important meal of the day. I can't leave home without it.
Second, I don't think its safe for me to drive on an empty stomach. It's kind of like not drinking liquor on an empty stomach. It's just a bad idea. I'm low, I'm shakey, I can't see straight. I'm liable to curse at anyone who crosses my path, even if they do have the right of way. Granted, the doctors office is down the hill and around the bend, literally 3 minutes away. But still, I'm not fond of driving before eating. (READ MORE)


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Kim Doty
Kim Doty has had Gestational and/or Type 2 diabetes since 2003. She lives in Colorado with her husband and children. She blogs about her world at On Line On Life On Insulin.(Read More)

Latest Posts: Dishwasher Replaces A1C Test | Did You See Ruby? | Roseanne Rosannadanna was Right

Julia
Julia lives behind the Tofu Curtain, in the Pioneer Valley, in Western Massachusetts. It's a nice place. She likes it there. Her eldest daughter, Olivia, has type 1 diabetes. She's also 13. It's a real toss-up as to which is more difficult -- the diabetes or the teen-age drama. (Read More)

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