Diabetic Recipes
Abizeleth
I don't expect everyone I've ever met to remember that I'm diabetic. There was a period that I barely told anyone about it, unless I was absolutely forced to. So how could they remember if they never knew?
I do expect my close friends, family and important people (i.e. my coworkers, my professors, etc) to remember that I'm diabetic. After all, most of them see the daily battle that diabetes is. How can you forget that?
But so often, my friends forget. Sometimes I feel like my own family forgets. They get involved in their own lives, their own problems and forget about this portion of my life. Yet, I can't excuse them.
A question was posed to one of my closest friends (I've known this person for over three years now), asking "Do you know anyone with a chronic or serious illness?" They replied with a hasty "No, don't think so." I didn't say a word, but inside I was thinking "Did you forget about me? Did you forget about my chronic illness, my serious illness?" The simple and harsh reality is yes. They had forgotten the daily fight with diabetes in my life because it is so constant in my life.
Another friend of mine (not so close, so I'll excuse him) gave me the strangest look the other day. We went bowling. I started shaking and held out my hand for him to see. He said "What's wrong?" My reply: "I'm low." He looked so confused, so puzzled. "Low? Is that a new term? Like high, low." I gently reminded him that I am diabetic. And the conversation ended, leaving me with the feeling that diabetes is too much of a silent disease.
Just the other day, I was talking with a very good friend of mine about something I didn't feel I could do alone because of my diabetes (yes, I'm one of the people who believes diabetes does limit me). I didn't mention the diabetes, just simply that I couldn't do the activity. We had discussed it previously, so I knew that they should know exactly what I was referring to. They didn't. There were some awkward moments while they realized I was talking about diabetes. I felt...frustrated, upset, but mostly amazed.
I can't seem to fathom how people in my life can possibly forget about the chronic illness in my life. Maybe because of my diabetes, I am more aware of other people's problems. Maybe I need to give them a break. Or maybe, they should remember. Maybe I'm not wrong for feeling upset that they've forgotten my diabetes. Maybe I'm justified for feeling they need to remember the seriousness of this disease. Maybe they should remember reality.
Maybe. Just maybe.
I was going to suggest that it might be uncomfortable for your friends to remember *consciously* about diabetes -- or it could be "able-body-centric" thinking, in which, because you are accepted as being within the group, you are considered to be exactly as the group. Call it the diabetes version of "color-blind" in its social sense.
It's not necessarily "because diabetes is invisible". Over twenty years later, I can vividly recall a situation in which a motorized wheelchair became "invisible" when a would-be alpha male tried to insist that our group dine at a non-wheelchair-accessible restaurant.
In some respects you could be pleased that your friend does not identify you with the concept of chronic/serious illness. I know my son does not want to be identified in that way.
At 6 years old, he recently corrected his classmates:he was not going to the "nurse's office" he was going to the "health office"- he is perfectly healthy.
On the other hand, I am outraged that your friend did not recall what "low" meant when you were bowling. We rely on our friends to be there for us in many ways.
We live a contradiction. We want people to see us as healthy capable and strong and yet at any moment we could face a crisis. No one who does not live with diabetes daily, will ever know, in their soul, what that means. You may get them to the point where they know in their heads, but it is not truly understood. So many times I am told how awful it is to test or take shots. Inwardly I laugh. That is not awful. Awful is wondering if you will wake up because you decided to run an extra three miles and you might have screwed up the basal adjustment. Awful is wondering how many cells in your body your are killing off to just let your BG run high overnight because you haven't slept through the night in 3 days and your so tired.
I agree with the last comment, Lindsey. I have a real problem seeing my diabetes as a chronic illness-in fact it had never crossed my mind that it was 'chronic' until it was brought to my attention in a uni lecture 5 years ago.
I would much rather my friends thought of it as a 'part' of my life.
The kids I teach certainly don't forget about it-not just because of the obvious reasons like they've seen me make excuses due to highs and lows (they aren't allowed to eat or drink in a science lab) but also diabetes is on the high school science syllabus in the UK-not just the basics but also in depth details like the differences between T1 and 2 and hypos and hypers and appropriate action. One pupil made a comment that it was 'great' I was diabetic as it would help her remember in her upcoming exams-the rest of the class scolded her for her insensitivity. But least it helps someone!
Lindsey,
I feel excatly like you! For me, I think it stems from my frustration and anger regarding diabetes. It's just not fair that I have to constantly be remembering things about diabetes and other people can so easily forget. But I'm the one with the "chronic illness" not them. So I guess I cannot really fault them for not remembering. Unless they are really close to me, in which case i get pretty upset!