I think Mousie nailed it in her comment from my last post. The age of 6 really is shaping up to be a time of new understanding. And yes, Charlie is clearly dealing with diabetes on a new level.

These days he's showing signs of wanting more control. He now loads the test strip into the meter, though he's not ready to test himself yet. He's also started reading labels for total carbs. A tug of war over a bag of crackers usually ensues when I try to make sure he's right about the carbs before I enter it into the pump. He's getting frustrated.

Charlie: Can I eat now?

Me: (pulling) I just want to check the carbs!

Charlie: (pulling) I told you! 16 carbs!

Me: (pulling) I. Just. Want. To. See. The.

Me: Shit!

Me: (hollering) Suze! Charlie spilled crackers all over the floor that you just cleaned!

As evidenced by recent writings, there's been a lot of diabetes chatter lately from Charlie. He's suddenly asking a lot of questions and voicing a lot of discontent.

The other night, Charlie got upset (as he always does) when we told him it was a site-change night. I said what I thought might be comforting. But all I did was set fire to the situation.

"Charlie, I know it's hard now, but when you get older, site changes won't bother you as much as they do now," I told him.

"How old?" he said, whimpering.

"Like when you're a teenager or an adult."

Charlie then let out the saddest and most horrible high-pitched cry I think I've ever heard from him. He dropped his head back against the dining room floor looking defeated. His eyes shiny and wet.

"I'm still going to have diabetes when I'm an adult???"  he cried.

He was dumbfounded. It couldn't be true.

In an instant, the reality that is so often deflected by video games, ground balls and the squashing of ants, smacked Charlie square in the face.

I hate diabetes with a passion. Let's meet diabetes at the big oak tree after school and kick the shit out of it. Who's with me?