I'm more than a little OCD when it comes to Olivia's diabetes care. Not in the "must log every number and every carb and every speck of exercise" (because, hello? She's twelve and doesn't ask for food any more, she just goes and gets it and exercise? Hah. But that's another post.), but more in a "I need these numbers to be even," way.

It's maddening. Olivia could eat the same thing at the same time and do the same amount of exercise (hah) every day and still have wildly different bg readings each day. And I just want. To. Fix. It. I finagle insulin doses like pieces on a chess board. I obsess and worry over the timing of her insulin dose - should she have that before she eats? After? Dual wave? Square wave? Super bolus?

This is not a good disease to try and manage when you're more than a little OCD. In fact, it's the type of disease that has you up at 2 a.m., pleading with the internet for some help. Thankfully, there are plenty of sources to go to: here, of course. The Children With Diabetes Website and their parents email list and various diabetes-related bulletin boards.

But what I can never get is an answer to the question of "Why?" The doctors, the other parents, the posters on the bulletin boards all shrug and say "That's just diabetes."

It's enough to make me lose my mind.