Diabetic Recipes
Last night my family and I went over to my cousin's house for dinner. Her dad, my uncle, was in town from Texas so we wanted to visit with him before he left. Our other cousin was there with her kids and we had a really lovely dinner.
After dinner my uncle was asking me about my Diabetes and how my health was. I told him that I had been taking care of myself much more then I used to and that I checked my BG six to eight times a day. He asked me if I was still smoking since he is a smoker and this was a bond we used to have. I told him that I did quit because I do not want to lose my toes. He looked at me funny and I explained that smoking constricts blood vessels which make it more difficult for blood to circulate properly and get to our extremities.
At this point my cousin chimes in and says, "Well if you did lose any toes you could save on pedicures!"
The room got quiet. I felt food start to rise up in my stomach as my face got hot. I knew smarting off, which I really badly wanted to do, would not be productive so I just calmly said, "I don't think that's funny. It is a serious fear of mine."
She said, "That is what my father in law used to say. He only had two toes and would say 'I only have to pay 20% of the cost for a pedicure.'" She laughs.
My wife responds with, "That was his sense of humor. That is how he dealt with it. It's different when you are trying to avoid it."
My other cousin said, "Well, he lived as if he didn't have diabetes which is why he died when he was forty something. And with only one leg."
The first cousin said, "Yeah he used to always say, 'lets eat at IHOP!'"
At this point I could not decide if I was going to scream or swear or just storm out. So I said, "Please, anyone, change the subject. I do not want to talk about diabetes anymore. PLEASE!" And that was it.
The first thing I thought as I left was how sharing your fears about diabetes may not always be as great as I would like to think it should be.
All of us deal with our disease in different ways. All are okay for ourselves but not always for each other. I wish people would be sensitive to that. Had the father-in-law been in the room saying these things, it would have been different. I would have understood.
Sometimes wanting to get things out and share them does not work. Sometimes it backfires.
Hi George,
Sounds like you got some points for Carey's Fantasy Diabetes League going on there. Also sounds like some of my jerk cousins got mixed up in your family! I was constantly "teased" as a teen, now they're grown-ups but still have the same lack of tact. One of them even cracked jokes at my grandmother's funeral (as we were all holding the casket--no kidding) and attempt lame humor at every family event. No wonder I've avoided them for years...!
Seriously, I think the diabetes OC is probably the friendliest, most sympathetic and most considerate community for us PWDs. Only we can truly appreciate our various sensitivities, coping skills, and secret/not-so-secret fears. Non-PWDs like your family and mine make me realize how special our little OC is. So no backfires here!
George, I understand the fear factor and I have a very "well-informed" group of relatives that feel I'm just going to have to be "delivered" from all this "diabetes stuff". I take most of what is said with a grain of salt or just simply tell them to P***off. I don't talk to them often enough to worry much about it anyway but I hope your fears get lessened as your life goes on and you don't lose anything.
Yeah, sometimes everyone assumes sharing is best, but a lot of times people aren't actually prepared to deal with it. And they react in bad, unsupportive ways.
I agree with you, and like have you've put it - that we all have different ways to deal with things and it's ok to be different, and important to realize. Sorry you had such a sucky experience!
I do joke about losing things. I have half-jokingly, half-not-jokingly told my sister (shes not diabetic) on more than one occasion in front of my friends, that her left kidney is MINE. I like joking about it when I'm in the right mood - either being silly or feeling really dark - because it brings funniness and openness to a scary subject that I'm supposed to keep quiet about to not scare people and gets it out in the open, and lets people know what I am dealing with (especially in the context of "oh but you look so healthy, you're not sick!"). However, really intense jokes like that need to be initiated by me. My sister or my friends can play along with me when I start it, but it is not their job to be starting jokes like that, and the sensitive ones get that.
It sucks that your cousins do not get that. And that they were ignoring your blatant cues that it was NOT OK, which you shouldn't have even had to make so blatant.
I agree that everyone deals with discomfort differently, and while you truly harbor this fear of losing your toes, humor on your part might have nipped this conversation in the bud.
Since you say smoking together was a bond you shared with Uncle and you no longer smoke, you could have said, "I'll still come with you," and you could have chatted while he puffed, or been quippy and answered, "You smoke, I'll bring my sugar-free lemon drop!". Goofy, but it could have diffused the situation.
When the insensitive person made the comments about the pedicure, a good response might have been, "That's like suggesting you poke your eyes out to save on glasses." :)
Hope this helps.