Olivia was supposed to babysit yesterday afternoon, but because we got 87 inches of snow, it was canceled. She was disappointed about not getting paid but I think a little relieved about it, too.

She was going to be babysitting another kid with diabetes (and his little sister). I'm friends with this woman, Deb, who lives in the next town - we met thru the Children With Diabetes email list. Deb thought that Olivia would make a great babysitter, since she knows all about diabetes. I think Olivia was having qualms.

It's understandable, though. She's only ever babysat for us and even that's usually after the little girls have gone to bed for the night. It's not challenging. She will sometimes watch one of them while I run to the grocery store or do a couple of errands, but I try to time it so that she's doing that during nap time. I don't want to overwhelm her - and believe me, my youngest two can be very overwhelming. They kick my butt on a daily basis....

So in the run-up to this babysitting gig, Olivia had a thousand questions. She wanted to know what kind of pump Anthony (the babysit-ee) used, what kind of schedule he was on, how to run the pump and what to feed him while she was there. I told her that Deb would go over all of it with her.

I was happy to see that she was so interested in knowing ahead of time how to take care of Anthony. On the other hand, I was a nervous wreck thinking about her over there with two kids. What if something went wrong? What if Anthony had a reaction that Olivia couldn't handle? What if Olivia had a reaction? Gah! I was gearing up towards working myself into a real tizzy.

I know she's responsible, I know she can handle it, but there's a part of me that hates all this growing up crap. On the one hand, I want her to have her independence, to learn how to take care of herself and of other kids and I think babysitting, especially babysitting other kids with diabetes, is good for her, but I still want to keep her close. I fight that battle every day and I don't think I smother her - it's more of an internal war I have with myself. You should hear the arguments I have with myself. Actually, maybe you shouldn't; you'd probably have me locked up.

I never had an issue with letting go with my son. It just seems that this whole diabetes thing still freaks me out somewhat. That's probably another post for another day, however.