I should have known my blood sugar was high. The Hunger was back. Not the it's-been-hours-since-my-last-meal hunger. Or even the low-blood-sugar hunger. But that insatiable Hunger. The eat-everything-you-can-get-your-hands-on-but-still-be-hungry Hunger.
I hadn't felt the Hunger in years. Not since 2003, when I was first diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Once I got my blood sugar under control, that insatiable Hunger was gone. Now it was back, with a vengeance.
At first, I chalked it up to breastfeeding. After all, breastfeeding is rumored to burn about 1,000 calories a day. (In me, it's probably closer to 200 calories a day, if that.) Then I thought it was from stress or fatigue, after all, new moms really don't get a lot of sleep.
Then, when I started taking my blood sugar again, I recognized it for what it truly was. The Hunger. That beast I thought I'd caged years ago. It had gotten lose.
Once I knew what it was, I had to come to terms with what it means. By its very definition, insatiable means nothing will satisfy it. Not fruit, not nuts, not water, not veggies, not cookies, not ice cream, not cheesecake-not even a bag of Snickers, and their whole ad campaign is based on their ability to satisfy.
Some days are easier than others, but to be honest most days are hard. During my pregnancy, I pretty much ate whatever I wanted, within what I thought was reason, knowing that insulin would cover my blood sugar-a "luxury" I hadn't had before. As a result, I put on a lot more weight than I should have. I have at least 30 more pounds to lose to be at my pre-pregnancy weight.
I'm confident once I get my blood sugar comes back to "normal" the Hunger will fade. But for now, I can only remind myself over and over again: Insatiable means nothing will satisfy it. Insatiable means nothing will satisfy it. Insatiable means nothing will satisfy it. Insatiable means,


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