I've never been a trendy person. In junior high when Bass loafers were all the rage, I didn't get a pair until they were almost out of style. There's a lot of that in my life.

But there are some things that I've wanted for myself that I think are sort of weird. When my brother had to start seeing an orthodontist and eventually get braces, I insisted that I needed to see the orthodontist, too. I knew I didn't need braces, but there were these two teeth that just weren't right. I sort of secretly hoped, I think, that I needed braces. I wound up with top and bottom retainers for several years. In junior high. It could have been worse, but I talked like I had a lisp. I feel like if I really didn't need the retainers that the doctor and my parents wouldn't have gotten them for me. But I do feel weird for pushing for something that seemed kind of minor. Or maybe I just feel weird for not being like a lot of people who resist modern medicine and technology for things they really need. I got glasses when I knew I needed them, and I pushed my endo for fast-acting insulin when I knew I needed it. I'm just being a good patient advocate. Right?

So when I think about the fact that I'm actually considering the pump, I don't know if I'm intrigued by the gadget or if I really need it or both. My endo seems to think that because I'm on MDI that I'm a candidate for a pump. And I guess when you simplify it, I am a candidate.

But I keep thinking that if I just have a little control over myself and my food choices that MDI will be just fine for me for quite some time. However, I remind myself that I don't have such a good track record when it comes to will power. And then I think that I'm a grazer, I eat all the time and sometimes it is a pain in the ass to take a shot, eat, realize I'm still hungry or that I want more of what I just had and have to take another shot. With a pump, it's all about pushing buttons. And then I think but MDI is just the shots; the pump is infusion sets and reservoirs and tubing and all this other "stuff."

And then there's my husband who, when I said I was considering a pump, said "why-y?" in that way that said "but you're not that bad."

So I'm at a crossroads, folks. And I guess I need something to push me one way or the other right now.