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In keeping an eye on diabetes news and the progress of various studies going on around the world, one thing is clear. There is a fight going on. Everyone is fighting diabetes. The news headlines say so. Here are just a few of our brave soldiers risking their lives in the war against diabetes.

Red Wine Fights Diabetes

Glowing Mice Fight Diabetes

Pumpkins Fight Diabetes

Mexican Lizard Saliva Fights Diabetes

Cinnamon Fights Diabetes

Sort of a motley bunch, no? I don't know about you, but if this is the group we're sending into a dark alley to battle diabetes, I'm not so confident.

Can't we have a tougher team representing us? A little more firepower? Perhaps we should just fight diabetes with snow angels, unicorn breath and the clippings of "baby's first haircut" while we're at it.

Five Mexican lizards enter the dark alley holding cinnamon stick swords and galloping atop small glowing mice.

What? Cinnamon no longer fights diabetes? Quitter! Crud! OK, rewind that.

Five drunken Mexican lizards enter the dark alley swigging full glasses of cheap red wine while galloping atop small glowing mice.

The lizards reach their target, work up a good loogey in the back of their throats and spit on the mountainous pinky toe of diabetes. When that fails, the lizards reach into their backpacks and begin to launch tiny pumpkins at diabetes, who doesn't even seem to notice. With no more ammunition, the inebriated lizards then heave the glowing mice into the air toward diabetes like Roman candles and smash their empty wine glasses on the ground before stumbling away under cardboard boxes shouting obscenities.

I don't want to see lizards, pumpkins or bicyclists fighting diabetes. I want to see toreadors and pirates. Give me three-headed dragons and great white sharks fighting diabetes. Show me the Five Families working together with vampires to fight diabetes.

Serial Killer Turns Focus to Diabetes

Russell Crowe Throws Phone at Diabetes

These are the headlines I want to see.