It's hard to be sad when you have diabetes. It really does complicate the hell out of heartache.
There are so many things in my life that are beautiful, gorgeous, and easy. That keep me smiling and feeling good. Lately though, there's been one area of struggle. I won't go into the details, but let's just say anyone who's experienced real love and then real confusion around that real love could relate.
With diabetes, all the normal reactions to sadness and anger and other difficult emotions go out the window. I can't get a gallon of ice cream and eat the whole thing while watching some Lifetime movie, I can't give into the urge to just not eat at all - even though I feel completely sick to my stomach, I can't let myself continue to get worked up about the doubt and the hard things, I can't just go to sleep for days... All of those things are places where people find comfort - eating, not eating, letting oneself feel completely stressed out and crappy, sleeping for days. With diabetes, those choices - maybe not so great, but comforting choices - are just not an option.
So I get up every morning and test. And I go to work and keep myself together. When I want to eat a gallon of ice cream, I remind myself of what that will do to my bloodsugar (and if you catch me watching a Lifetime movie, you should just put me out of my misery then and there). When I want to not eat for a full day, I force down a piece of fruit, some peanut butter, as much as I can put in to avoid a catastrophic low. And when I see that my anger and sadness are causing highs, I do my damnedest to get a handle, so that I'm not causing myself even more anxiousness and pain and discomfort.
I wish it were different, but it's not. I wish I could give in to some of these things. I wish I could ignore diabetes, say "eff it" and behave the way many people do when they're hurting. But I can't. And that is both a gift and a curse. A gift in that, I'll be healthier in the long run - a curse in that, sometimes, I just want to be able to take advantage of those small, ridiculously beautiful comforts.
On I go, with diabetes in tow. Stupid jerk.
I can relate. Just another situation where we can not just be plain normal.
While diabetes certainly complicates things, these feeding patterns are often a response to depression or to depressed moods. During this period of upheaval, my sister is finding it difficult to eat anything, but forces herself to have at least basic nutrition. (At this point, I'm just psychically and financially overwhelmed...)
You're so right Nic. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and virtual hugs.
Yeah, we all wish these things could be different. But only one way that can ever happen - with a type 1 cure. It's not as impossible as it sounds - but it largely depends on us to make sure our voices are heard.
It is an amazing thing to imagine though - the day when we can eat all the ice cream or anything else without a second thought (not that's super healthy anyway lol, but just the option would be nice.) It would give us an incredible sense of freedom and a new perspective on life.