I was diagnosed just about thirty years ago with type 1 diabetes.  Since that hot June day, I've accomplished so much.  I've lived well, virtually complication-free.  I've competed in individual and team sports, graduated high school and college, established a career, become a published writer.  I've practiced empathy and kindness in my day to day existence, I've reached out and made my world better in every way I could think of, in every way I could manage. 

But have I done enough?  And is "enough" just a percursor to a fine line that people with diabetes have to walk?  I've had people ask why I don't practice more advocacy on the diabetes front, or why I didn't pursue my fundraising career in a non-profit focused on diabetes advocacy, cure research or some other diabetes related venture.  And I guess the answer is, for me, that I don't want diabetes to be that much of a feature in my life.  Isn't every waking moment of thinking about this disease, managing the highs and lows, counting carbs, dosing, etc. etc.  enough?   To have it with me as a focus in my work life would be just too much.  

I admire those who spend everyday of their lives trying to make a career around diabetes issues while they simultaneously live with the disease.  After all, we know the disease better than any others and are absolutely the best voices to get key messages into the public eye.  But I don't envy their position either.  I imagine being immersed at work and in public life in diabetes isn't always a pleasure, I imagine it gets very overwhelming.  I imagine the pressure to be an excellent role model for others, as a public figure or person working in the diabetes field, is in itself something to reckon with.   And I don't think I'd fare very well with those kinds of pressures and reminders in my life.  

I also have ventured to keep diabetes in the background of my life.  I write about living with diabetes, here at dlife and in other places, because I believe that other people will read my words and understand, will read my words and feel not so alone.  But, I have no desire to have people identify me, online or otherwise, as "the girl with diabetes that...(fill in accomplishment here)."  I would rather they say something like "that cool girl who can put together a car/pound the crap out of steel/do back handsprings..."  I like my quiet existence in the diabetes world.  I like that people will come to me for advice - I like being asked what I think - but I like that it often happens in the privacy of my email box or by text on my phone.   I like that diabetes is something most people might not even think about when they think of me.  

I am an advocate.  An often silent, but always stalwart, often quiet, but always determined, advocate.  Could I do more?  Maybe.  But I'm happy for the little differences I make, happy for the one heart I might move, happy that diabetes isn't an everyday, paid (or otherwise) focus for me.