It's been a long time since I've done one of these. In the past, I've wondered how certain movies would be different if the central character had diabetes. We've covered Luke Skywalker, Charlie Bucket, The Grinch, George Bailey and the shark from Jaws.

Why hasn't Pixar created any characters with diabetes? What would it be like if Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story had diabetes? We pick up our story in Andy's room. Buzz has just arrived.

BUZZ: Buzz Lightyear Mission Log. Stardate 4072: My ship has run off course en route to sector 12.  I've crash landed on a strange planet. The impact must have awoken me from hyper-sleep. CGM shows stable glucose but receiving predicted low alerts. Over.

Buzz springs up and down on the squishy surface of the bed. He shines a thin blue light onto his pupil for 10 seconds, keeping his hand perfectly still. He then takes the small flashlight device and inserts it into a spinning trillium-carbonic alloy blood glucose meter. He waits 30 seconds, calibrates and then repeats the process with his other eye. After changing printer cartridge, approximately three minutes later, a ticker tape slowly prints out the number 118 from a slot just below his sternum. He licks his finger (out of force of habit).

BUZZ: Buzz Lightyear Mission Log. Still stardate 4072: Pricking finger was much easier. I'm just sayin'. Over.

Buzz takes out his iPhone and tweets: "crash landed on weird planet. #bgnow 118."

Buzz logs into Facebook and updates status: Yay! Friday! Need coffee!!!

BUZZ: (into communicator) Terrain seems a bit unstable...

He takes out a pencil and unfolds a piece of paper and logs the 118 into a small grid, noting the time on his pump. 

 He taps the sticker of controls on his wrist communicator.

BUZZ: (into communicator) No read-out yet if the air is breathable... and there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere ...

Woody's face suddenly pops into view.

WOODY: Hello-o-o...

BUZZ: HO-YAAAHH!!!

Buzz jumps back, taking a fighting stance.  He presses a button on his arm that turns on a red "laser beam" light on his wrist.  Buzz aims the red beam on Woody's forehead and holds it there.

Woody introduces himself. The other toys peek over the edge of the bed.

REX: Don't shoot!  It's okay!  Friends!

BUZZ: (to Woody) Do you know these life forms?

WOODY: Yes.  They're Andy's toys.

BUZZ: Alright, everyone.  You're clear to come up.

The toys gasp in awe of Buzz's futuristic gadgets. Buzz presses a button and wings pop out.

HAMM: Oh! Impressive wingspan!

Slinky presses buttons on Buzz's insulin pump, nearly activating the delivery of 4 units of insulin.

BUZZ: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Please be careful with that! It's not a toy!

MR. POTATO HEAD: What does it do? Fire lasers?

Embarrassed, Buzz slides his pump away from the curious onlookers.

BUZZ: It's nothing. Nothing at all.

Buzz flashes back to being a child at space ranger camp. A group of space ranger campers are crowded around him, touching buttons on his pump and teasing him. He begs them to stop.

BUZZ: I SAID STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MR. POTATO HEAD: (perplexed by Buzz's sudden burst of emotion) Huh? Was it something I said?

Buzz, realizing he should come clean about his disease, presses a medical alert button on his forearm.

(sampled voice) My name is Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My address is Gamma Quadrant of Sector 4. I have type 1 diabetes.

REX: (Panicked) OH MY GOD!!!! BUZZ IS GOING TO DIE OF BETES!!!!

REX: (Continued panic) WAIT. WHAT IS BETES?!!! IS IT CONTAGIOUS?!!! IS IT AIRBORNE!??? MY IMMUNE SYSTEM IS LOW!!! WE"RE ALL DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!

MR. POTATO HEAD: Settle down, you big lizard! That's not what diabetes means. Tell ‘em Hamm.

HAMM: (leafing through a copy of Reverse Diabetes magazine) You are precisely correct my spud-headed friend. It is a well-known fact that diabetes can be reversed by choosing healthy meals and by merely walking at a moderate pace a few days a week. Ooh! This issue shows how you can sleep away diabetes! Seems our spaceman has a little bit of a sweet tooth. Eh, Buzz?

REX: (Relieved) HOORAY!!!! WE'RE SAVED!!!

BUZZ: Well, just to set the record straight, with type 1 diabetes ...

SARGENT: RED ALERT! RED ALERT! ANDY IS COMING UPSTAIRS! I REPEAT! JUVENILE INTRUSION! RESUME YOUR POSITIONS NOW!

WOODY: Everybody! Back to your places! Buzz! Don't move!

The toys panic and scatter to their places, falling limp. Andy's bedroom door flies open and a flood of children's feet rush in.

WOODY: (clenching teeth like a ventriloquist) BUZZ! Stay perfectly still! Do. Not. Move.

BUZZ: Oh, no! Not now. (clenching teeth) Woody! I don't feel right.

Buzz attempts to stay still but his legs feel shaky and as weak as silly string and he can't support the weight of his head. He is suddenly drenched in sweat and his CGM's low alarms are beeping like crazy.

WOODY: (whispering) Buzz! Turn that thing off!!!

Andy picks up Buzz and feeling the wetness, immediately throws him back down on the bed.

ANDY: Ewwwww! Mom! Molly dunked my Buzz Lightyear in the toilet!!!

The accusation and arguing continues in the background.

MRS. DAVIS: Molly!!!

MOLLY: I did not!

ANDY: Did too!!!

The coast clear, the toys come back to life.

WOODY: (ecstatic and relieved) Phew! That was a close one. Buzz! That was brilliant! How did you do that?

BUZZ: @!%#* you, Woody!

WOODY: Buzz?

BUZZ: @!%#* you  and your stupid @!%#*-ing snake in your boot! @!%#* all of you! Just leave me the @!%#* alone!

WOODY: Buzz, please! There are "ages 3 and up" toys here. I thought we were friends. You know, you've got a friend in me!

Buzz storms away toward the door, muttering under his breath - "dork."

BUZZ: Oh and hey pal. You wanna know who poisoned the @!%#-ing waterhole?

Buzz points to himself and continues toward the door.

HAMM: (Reversing Diabetes magazine in hand) Eh, Woody. It says here that symptoms of low blood sugar may include sweating, confusion and sudden combative behavior. Might explain the F-bombing by Mr. Lightbeer. It says he needs sugar now!

WOODY: Rocky! Snake! Troll Doll! Grab him!

BUZZ: (fighting them off) Get off me, freaks!

WOODY: It's for your own good, Buzz! Remember, you've got a friend in us.

BUZZ: (struggling to break free) Stop saying that!

WOODY: (speaking into toy microphone) Everyone! Buzz needs sugar!

RC Car zips over and slams brakes, offering a slice of white bread.

WOODY: No, No, No! We need sugar, everyone!

SLINKY: Will this work, Woody? (Slinky hands Woody an orange)

WOODY: (frustrated) No! No it won't.

MRS. POTATO HEAD: (to Mr. Potato Head) (screaming) WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!!!

MRS. POTATO HEAD: WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE ASSERTIVE?!!!

MRS. POTATO HEAD: TELL THEM HOW HIGH YOUR GLYCEMIC INDEX IS!!!

SARGENT: Sir, yes sir! Wilford Brimley is a patriot and a national hero. I know all about the diabeetus. My men have been trained for this.

The green army men file out of the Bucket ‘O Soldiers and get into formation where they shoot rapid-fire mini marshmallows into Buzz's mouth. After swallowing several marshmallows, Buzz comes around.

BUZZ: (addressing the army men) Stand down soldiers. Thank you. Thank you all. That was a close call. Perhaps I should change my catch phrase to "TO HYPOGLYCEMIA AND BEYOND!!!!!!." (Buzz chuckles at his joke. He is only one laughing).

(awkward silence)

BUZZ: Umm. I'm saying instead of "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!"

(more awkward silence)

BUZZ: Tough room. That one killed ‘em at last year's Friend's for Life conference in Orlando.

Buzz shines thin blue light onto pupil. Woody sits down next to Buzz, puts his arm around him and places the Reverse Diabetes magazine in Buzz's lap.

WOODY: It's time to make some lifestyle changes, Buzz. It's time.

Buzz bites tongue and nods. The two new friends stand up and walk toward the setting sun outside the window.

WOODY: Hey Buzz. Did you really poison the @!%#-ing waterhole?