Right now, there are a thousand things on my "to do" list. Everything from making Christmas returns to getting my life back on a routine. Just making the list settled some of my frustration with how my life is going at this stage. It's a new year and I'm ready to get back on track and get this life under control. I don't make resolutions so much as set goals because I tend to constantly be doing small pieces of whatever my resolution might be. My problem is relaxing my control or my routine and ending up with a bigger mess.

So this year, I'm focusing on habits and routine and schedules. At the end of January, I begin my first semester of graduate school which is going to add a whole new level to the schedule that I currently have. I'm not exactly sure when I plan to eat or sleep. I'm hopeful that graduate school won't be as hard as everyone says since I love the curriculum and I'm blessed with a bit of intelligence (modest too!). Even if it is easier than expected, it's still going to be a struggle to adjust to work, school, relationships, and taking care of myself.

My focus has to be on keeping myself on track and staying on top of my stress level. I can't keep stressing the way that I have been. I have to step back and realize that taking care of myself first is the only way that the rest of that works. For myself, for Marvin, for school, for my family, I need to be my own priority.

In order to do that, I'm giving myself some slack. I know that I can't be perfect and I can't do it all. So letting myself fall and fail is the only way to get through it. I've already decided that I'm cutting my hours back at work to what I was hired on at instead of pushing myself. I'm not a good employee if I'm not taking care of myself in the first place. I've also decided that I'm going to allow myself to set my own pace with graduate school. There is no reason why I have to rush through it (except that I'm just ready to be out there as a counselor and social worker). If I need to cut back hours or take the summer off, I'll do it without feeling guilty (or at least I'll try).

I need to start devoting time to managing my diabetes as well. I can't afford to let my A1c stay elevated the way it has been. So I need to start taking steps to getting it back under control. 7% is my goal, but I'll settle for 7.5% through the next two years of school. Anything better than what it is now would be great. My current 30 day average is at 188. I'd like that to change to 170 over the next month and continue to see improvement from there.

That means that I need to build my habits back of checking at specific times. I should check no less than five times per day. When I wake up, two hours after breakfast, before lunch, before dinner, and before bed. That really isn't so tough, but sometimes life just gets in the way. Sometimes I just don't want to know what those numbers are.

I'm doing a lot better with my insulin since I changed everything over a few weeks ago. I'm not forgetting my Lantus now that it's just a one time midnight dose. I'm also doing great with rotating sites. Keeping that up is important as well as staying on top of how much Lantus I'm taking. It's going to depend on how I react to adding exercise back in...which is probably what sent me crashing last week.

My exercise goal is to work out twice a week. I think Wednesday afternoons and Saturday mornings are going to be my best times. Yoga on Wednesdays and Pilates on Saturdays. If I can keep that up, I should be able to keep my Lantus steady instead of bouncing around like I so often do.

Other than that, I think the rest of my life will fall into place when it wants to. Just keeping those habits and staying on top of my blood sugars will lower my stress level and increase my moods. If I don't have to struggle with numbers like 45 or 376, then my life should feel a little more stable. The next step is just finding a doctor up here to support me through all this.