It has been quite an interesting week and a half. I started my new job, spent the weekend alone for once, and tried to prepare for Christmas without any money. The new job is still fine. It's stressful at the moment because I'm building the program from scratch which means a lot of running around and testing things out. I'm feeling productive though, which is great.

My big concern lately is money. It took me awhile to find a job and my savings took a hit. My credit card bill is rising again this month with the added expenses of the holidays as well as work. I had to get clothes tailored and cleaned. I'm spending more on car maintenance (speaking of, I need to get my oil changed). There's also a lot of lunch expenses that I've had (this week I'm focusing on taking my lunch instead of buying).

So money is going out, but not exactly coming in. I'm just trying to wait until I get some paychecks before I really freak out about how little money I have. The hope is that I actually have the money, it's just not in my bank account yet. Here's hoping.

One of the big things that I've been waiting for is a gym membership. I desperately want to get back into yoga classes, pull ups, and leg workouts. I miss the gym. Running on the treadmill at home or attempting yoga in my living room just isn't doing what I need it to. Getting into the gym and making it habit again is what I need.

But gyms are pretty expensive these days. And I'm paying for most of my expenses on my own. The plan is also to get a new car over the Christmas holidays back home which will deduct from my monthly budget. So getting a gym membership is something I'm unsure of at the moment.

The thing is that I really need a gym. Not only to be healthy and feel physically productive, but so that my body and my mind are on the same page. I am so disconnected with how I look and feel lately. I do not like how my jeans fit or what I look like in the mirror. I need the boost of a nice gym workout to help myself get back on a positive note with my self-image.

I want the gym. But I'm worried that I'll put the deposit down and pay the monthly fees and realize that there is no money left at the end of the month. I wish there was something that I could cut out (like electricity), but I'm not sure there is. If there wasn't a deposit, it'd be less of a risk. At this point in my life though, I can't afford to lose any more money.

I'm supposed to talk to the sales guy at the gym again tomorrow and I'm hoping I can get the deposit waved. Either that or I'll wait until after the holidays when I'll have both a paycheck and maybe more motivation to spend. I'm sure the scale and my blood sugars would appreciate me getting into a gym sooner rather than later though.