I wish he didn’t love food so much. I wonder if it would be different if he wasn’t raised with so many food restrictions and limitations. I wonder if we created this monster. This monster that if given the green light would eat a whole penguin in one sitting if it was fried and could be dipped in some sort of sauce.
Carbs are everywhere and it’s a constant challenge. I took the three kids to a pizza place last night for dinner. Despite the fact that I will order Charlie something other than pizza, there is uneasiness in the air. The restaurant is like a haunted house and I’m waiting for something scary to jump out at me. I wish it wasn’t so, but I’m sort of on edge the whole time because I’m afraid of the effect on Charlie’s blood sugar.
The feeling that something very bad will happen just hangs there like a black cloud until, well, midnight, when I decided we were going to be OK.
I split a cheesesteak with Charlie. It’s very hard not to give him at least a bit of pizza since I ordered some for Ben and the aroma is intoxicating. I give Charlie a half of a slice. It’s not much pizza but it worries me nonetheless. The cheesesteak and the sliver of pizza is plenty of food, but of course Charlie always wants more.
When Maeve’s stromboli arrives, I think I actually saw sunbeams shine upon it from the heavens. Charlie’s jaw dropped. The thing had the circumference of an Eskimo snowshoe. Charlie salivates and much to my horror tells me that next time, he’s ordering one of those. He then watches me like a dog at the dinner table as I cut up the stromboli into small pieces for Maeve. I can feel Charlie watching me, hoping that I will give him some scraps.
I give Charlie a small piece and he dips it into a steaming bowl of tomato sauce. He moans with pleasure as it goes down his gullet. He takes a spoonful of sauce and then goes back for more when I stop him.
“Charlie, you’re killing me. You had enough food.”
“I wish I wasn’t diabetic,” he says.
This is a first. The first time I think I’ve ever heard him call it something that he is rather than something that he has. A diabetic.
I tell him that he ate enough and that it had nothing to do with diabetes.
But he’s not stupid. He can smell a lie when he sees one. Smells like fried penguin.
Ugh, it gives me a stomach ache just to read this, because it happens ALL THE TIME. And Leah picks up on it the same way no matter how hard we try to just make good decisions for all of us. We were on vacation the beginning of the month so always eating out, and you are totally right about that dark cloud...every night we were up doing corrections every two hours no matter how much we tried to avoid fatty foods, did a dual wave, etc. Eating out just sucks and its not fair. I would want that huge stinkin Stromboli too!!
Diabetes may exacerbate it, but it's not the whole story. I've been a breadaholic since I was a child -- long, long before I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. As a child, my bread consumption was restricted by my parents (just as they restricted our candy consumption, our potato consumption, and any other generally-not-considered-as-healthy food consumption). Then one summer, they sent us to a yeshiva day camp (note: we are not nearly that religious). Standard meal ritual in Orthodox households is to wash one's hands in a prescribed manner, say a prayer, and then not speak until one has bread in hand, recites another prayer, and eats the bread. This ritual was completely new to me. OTOH, it meant we had ad libitum access to bread at the lunch table. It doesn't take a college degree to figure out who overconsumed bread that summer...
Carey,
First I want to say that I love your blog. It was the first diabetes blog I found after my son was diagnosed in 2007 at the age of two and it really has helped me cope the last three years. Second, I've never left a comment before on your blog b/c I almost always agree with what you write, but I became a member of DLife today so I could leave this comment.
After my son was first diagnosed I was afraid to give him anything with carbs in it and I was totally stressed out about it. We soon met with a nutritionist which I know you have as well but she gave me the best advice anyone could have at that time and that was don't restrict any food from my son b/c when he does get old enough to make food choices himself, he's going to go nuts and totally over induldge. SHe said to try to give him things in moderation. So far it has worked well for us. At halloween, he never goes crazy b/c we haven't put any restrictions on him that we wouldn't give our other children.
If it happens that we are at a party or other social event and he happens to be over 300 and he wants cake or ice cream we don't deny him. We give him a small piece and load him up with insulin and be sure to check after two hours to make sure he's not too low or too high.
I totally understand that every childs diabetes is different and that it is a roller coaster ride in emotions for both the kid and the parent. Believe me I know, I just recently had a stress induced heart attack that I know was partly attributed to the stress of having a child with diabetes and waking up every two hours at night checking his blood sugar.
So, I get it. I just wanted to give you some food for thought. Or carbs for thought maybe.
I know exactly how you feel. Every time Cabin wants more dessert we tell him "no more dessert".. even it you weren't diabetic we would not let you have two cupcakes. But like Charlie he smells the lie like buttercreame Frosting. I hate it. You are doing the best you can. And really that is all any of us can do. Hope you have a good holiday and good numbers:)
Kelly: I hear ya. Going out to eat was once fun to do.
Brenda: Funny. Bread is indeed wonderful.
brjmomma: Thanks so much for being a longtime reader of the blog. I appreciate it. The approach you've taken with your son regarding food seems to be a healthy one in my opinion. We've been told the same thing by our endos and nutritionists through the years and try to follow that same basic idea. But as you know all too well, this is sometimes difficult. We have the other kids on the same meal/snack schedule, but Charlie always wants more than them. I think it's a personality thing.
Thanks again for commenting. All the best to you and your son. Please take care of yourself. The stress can be overwhelming.
Cabinscrue: We are all living such similar, crazy lives. A joyous holiday to you as well. Thank you.
There is never enough food for a boy. We get home from restaurant and both of my boys hit the kitchen. When I say "bedtime" they both head for the kitchen. Boys just eat and eat and eat. We try not to restrict choices when we go out to dinner. Usually Trev makes pretty good decisions. We want him to have a healthy relationship with food. Soon they will be teenagers and there is never enough food then!!!