I don't believe in vaccines. Perhaps it was the family that I grew up in. Or the disease that I've lived with every day since a series of regular, routine vaccines when I was 4 years old. Maybe it's just my own understanding of health and traditional thinking.

But I don't believe in them. However controversial that might be and however many of you might hate/ban/harass me for it, I cannot bring myself to believe in them. And trust me, I have done my research.

When I was 4 years old, my mother took me in for all the regular vaccines. The most memorable for both of us is the MMR because it has since been linked to autoimmune diseases such as type 1 diabetes. Almost immediately, my mom noticed a change in me. I was sick, unlike myself, and in ill health.

I progressively got worse until my type 1 diabetes diagnosis and my lifelong insulin necessity. My mom is a mom that makes her opinions and decisions by intuition. She also is an educated, intelligent woman who does her research. Shortly after my diagnosis, she began researching vaccines and their link to disease.

Over a decade later, I did my own research. Sadly, there is not a lot of definitive results out there about the link between disease, specifically diabetes, and vaccines. Why would FDA approved routines be put under the scope and marketed to cause life altering disease? They wouldn't.

Despite that, I came to the conclusion through the small studies that I read, the stories that I've heard from so many diabetics, and my own intuition that I would never receive another vaccine as long as I live. Nor would I want my children to receive them.

Today, my mom sent a link to me that included a bit on vaccines. A very interesting and enlightening topic was brought to my attention. The use of immunologic adjuvants in vaccines. These adjuvants are added to vaccines to enhance the immune system's response to the vaccine's antigens. It basically ramps up your immune system so that the vaccine is able to efficiently prevent whatever disease they are aiming for.

I don't believe that every person that receives a vaccine, with or without this adjuvant, will be diagnosed with some illness. I do believe that there is a genetic quality to a lot of diseases that we have yet to discover. Type 1 is slowly being researched from the genetic standpoint. I believe that I have this genetic "susceptibility" to diabetes. I think my dad has it too.

Bear with me here for a moment: I have a genetic breakdown that leaves me more apt to an immunological attack on my pancreas. I receive standard vaccines with typically safe adjuvants. These adjuvants then work to enhance my immune system to fight off the measles, mumps, etc. Instead, or alongside, my immune system also begins building antibodies against my pancreas because of that something in my DNA that says my pancreas is the enemy. In turn, I'm a 4 year old newly diagnosed type 1 diabetic.

Even if you do believe in the positive power of vaccines, you can't deny that is a logical conclusion for a random diabetes diagnosis. I know so many other type 1s that received their diagnosis shortly after a vaccination. A disease that is obviously more on the rise in recent years with the influence of multiple vaccinations over childhood and adolescence.

Because I believe that my family has a genetic disposition to diabetes, I can't bring myself to say that the risk of a vaccine is worth it for my kids. If I can protect them from what I've lived with for 17+ years by avoiding vaccines, I will definitely do that. Even if it's the smallest chance in the world. I will try my hardest to protect them.

I do understand that without vaccinations there is a large risk for whatever we aren't vaccinating for. Measles, mumps, rubella, tetanus, polio, hepatitis A or B, flu, swine flu, HPV. Some very dangerous diseases and some others that are risky, but tolerable. I understand that vaccines have lowered the rates of all these diseases over the years. We don't hear of measles outbreaks anymore. Because of vaccines.

However, I also believe that we live in a day and age that we are equipped to handle the measles and the flu. I believe that we live in a world where the measles are not deadly like they once were because we have medications, hospitals, and curative measures. Some of those diseases don't qualify for that. But I'll take that risk.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but what if I'm right? Just what if...