If you expect to hear it, then should it really be that bad?

Yes and no. 

Today's endo appointment wasn't as bad as I thought it would be in terms of feeling like I was getting raked over the coals. First, the good news: the thyroid nodule hasn't grown and I don't need to follow up on it until March 2012. Like K said when they first discovered it, I've probably had it forever. And nodules are apparently pretty common.

So the bad news: cholesterol is up, thyroid out of whack for the first time in ages, A1C up. Everything is up except my mood.

I think I generally take this kind of news in stride during the appointment. It's typically hours later when I realize what I went through. And that's when I start kicking myself and hating diabetes and thinking about how nice it would be to not have to think about all this stuff all the time.

I was frankly a little surprised that my TSH level had gone up. Don't ask me what TSH measures, all I know is that it went up and K is adjusting the dosage on my thyroid med. I've been on the same dose of my thyroid med for like forever. It felt a little weird to hear her say "I don't want to overstimulate your thyroid..." and then in the same breath say "...but I want to move you from 112 mcg to 125 mcg and we'll recheck your thyroid in two months. You'll know if it's too much because you'll feel jittery."

Fantastic. Pretty sure synthroid stimulates the appetite, too. I just can't win.

We talked about what the heck is up with my cholesterol, too. High cholesterol runs in my family and mine has been checked for probably close to a decade. Generally it creeps up and then I make some sort of change and it either stabilizes or goes down a bit. I used Garlique for a long time and that really seemed to help. K had me start on Niacin, an herbal supplement. We started with 500 mg and that helped a little and at my last appointment she had me double it. But the recent bloodwork shows the Niacin ain't cuttin' it anymore.

"What do you think has changed?" K asked. "Is your diet any different."

"No nothing," I said. "Well, I haven't been exercising."

"Ooooooh. That's definitely it."

Note to self: start exercising again. (Got a post stewing on that topic.)

And then the doozie: my A1C went up 0.5% since my last check up. And I'm still over 7%. I suspected my A1C was going to go up so I wasn't really surprised to hear the number, but it's still kind of a blow to the stomach. So I need to either find a way to get sensors and make peace with wearing two devices and being completely enveloped in blood sugar readings all day long or test more often. (I have a whole post on that brewing, too.)

Like I mentioned yesterday, it's good to go to the endo and check in periodically because it can really put things front and center. Which is apparently where I need things to be right now. It can feel pretty overwhelming, though.