My lab results finally showed up in my mom's mailbox yesterday after my appointment back on the 4th. I'd been impatiently waiting the last week or so to get my A1c results and find out where I stood. I was tempted to call the doctor's office, but I didn't want to hear the nurse's lecture on my out of range numbers. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty and I wasn't willing to hear what I already know.
So my mom read me the results over the phone yesterday. My A1c is 8.4% which is up from 8.3% in June. My estimated average numbers are at 194. All the other lab results were within range. My mom read the numbers then the subscript "All lab results normal except diabetes results. Poorly controlled."
I know that the A1c is an important aspect of this disease, however I don't think it's the true telling factor of my control. After all, isn't control a level of how intensely that I manage? Isn't control an action? Not a lab result.
I refuse to admit/believe/say that I am a poorly controlled diabetic. I try, I honestly do. Now lately, my trying is less intense than it certainly could be. But that doesn't mean that I am not trying and working on this disease every single day. It doesn't mean that I am poorly controlled.
I hate that my A1c has been in this 8% range for almost a year now. Ever since the Accutane, I just can't seem to get back within the 7s. It irritates me. It makes me angry. It makes me want to give up. Because when I'm trying, it feels like my results aren't lining up. I can't be perfect all the time and I will not give up certain things. But some of these numbers seem so out of range even for the things that I do wrong. It's like diabetes is just playing a sick joke.
I know that my type 1 diabetes is complicated by the insulin resistance caused by my PCOS. Or vice versa. Either way, I am dealing with both. Plus the medications that I've been forced to take because of that PCOS diagnosis and just general ill health like antibiotics for UTIs. Diabetes is complicated. My diabetes is complicated.
I have quite a bit of time on my hands these days considering that I am not working or in school at the moment. I hope to be working soon or at least volunteering or keeping busy, but right now is a perfect time for me to get back on track with this disease. It's time for me to be intense. And yet, it's the worst possible time to do just that.
Being on my own schedule and having no commitments makes me apt to snack, overeat, and become forgetful of just how many carbs are in a pudding cup. Sleeping all day adds to the highs. The stress of not having a job and being alone here just complicates all that leaving me low at the drop of a hat or struggling to differentiate the numbers.
I know that I need to do this now though. Today, I am going to pull out my logbook and get back into that habit. I might go for another run if I can get this headache to go away. I'm going to try my hardest to accurately bolus for the carbs consumed.
If it's not now, then when? If I can't get back into the 7% range now, how much longer might I put it off? I'm not looking for perfect control. I am simply looking to get between 7.0 and 7.5% because that's what works for me. I'm merely hoping to get rid of the 300s and 400s without dropping into the 40s and 50s unexpectedly.
And today, this has to be the day.
Lindsey,
The only response I could possibly offer, and especially about "today, this has to be the day", is something old and tired that you and God and everyone already knows, that every day is the day to check BG levels regularly.
And if you already do that, then maybe your guesses or insulin ratios need to be adjusted. For a woman, I can't imagine how difficult it could be when such ratios may need to change for monthly cycles, but even those must have some pattern.
It sounds to me, and I know I don't know everything and could be wrong, but it sounds like you have diabetes that must be managed the "hard" way.
For me, the hard way is when I do something out of the ordanary, like go to an all-you-can-eat buffet. And I'll be derrned if that don't take three separate carb-plus-correction boluses over a six to eight hour period, complete with BG checks to ensure the last bolus was enough or not.
Maybe if dropping from 300 to 40 unexpectedly is happening, have you tried slowing it doen a bit? I mean, taking a smaller dose of insulin, and risking having to take yet another a few hours later, rather than one big bolus up front?
There is of course no way I can tell you what you need to do, because you are the only one who is familiar with your body and how it reacts to foods and insulin and the whole wide world of things.
But, to be sure, there is no one correct answer. Not even the suggestion I gave you, applying it to myself.
All I can say is, if there is a way, make the "unexpected" become a "forethought possibility". And in the meantime, try not to fret too much over an HbA1c of 8.4. It's not the end of the world, and I very, very strongly suspect when you get towards age 30 (when growth hormone cessates) that you will grow into a much more stable regimen.
Until then, simply do your best, as best you can. There is no other way.
my youngest daughter living in my house .i am working part time.i am a type2 since 2005.most times its in control,but my main concern is my highs in the mornings,when i talk to my md she a increased the evening doses which is crazy,i will like to know why because i watch what i eat.sometimes i afraid to test.i have no choice but to test i know its for my own good.
Jedward2, I can complete relate to being afraid to check you bs my has been running in the 200 on the am check and I hate to recheck again because I am afraid it would be higher. I know that is not safe for me but I just don't wanna know. Since my father died last year, it been over a year and my BS have been out of control and my md has added levemir 50units before bed and onglyza 5mg everyday, plus my metformin. So far no drop but I am really concerned for my health my a1c is running around 9%. But i watch what I eat and I am back to excercising.