When I first moved away for college back in early 2007, my health was really at its worst. We still had no idea what was going on with me...just a list of symptoms and doctors who couldn't tell me what was wrong. So I moved out on my own into a 1 bedroom apartment a little over an hour from my mom's house and less than an hour from my dad's house.

The first semester was extremely rough. I had several breakdowns on my bathroom floor, several moments of desperation, several calls home that left my parents worried. I tried to stay on top of things, but the stress made it nearly impossible.

By the end of my college career in 2010, I'd developed systems that seemed to work for me. It helped to stay busy whether I was hitting the gym, hanging out with friends, or attending group meetings. It also helped to remember that I needed time to do nothing and lessen my stress. I still had moments of desperation where the stress was just too much to handle. I still called home in tears occasionally.

As I've been making plans to move again, my mom has been the voice of caution. My plan is to move about four hours away. I've never been that far away from home, from family and friends. I'm still waiting on graduate school acceptance, but the ultimate plan is to work part time while attending school full time. Something that I have never done.

My mom told me just the other day that I should reconsider this whole move. I think her voice of caution goes up as I get closer to actually moving and as my stress level has gone up with recent events (like not finding a job still, planning a graduation party, and having some issues with my diploma). As she sees me stressed here, she recalls the nights that I called home threatening to take a semester off of school, crying over the way that I felt. No parent wants to hear that again. Once is too much.

I know that she has a point. Graduate school and a job isn't going to be easy, I'm sure. I've heard that it's a lot of reading and writing, very time consuming, and that managing limited money is just hard to do. I don't imagine that I'm going to have it easy for the next two or three years. I'm sure that it will be stressful.

But will it be too stressful and too hard on my health to make it worthwhile? There is a graduate program here at home that starts next fall. I'm sure there are even jobs here, probably plenty more because our network is larger here. I have family and some friends close by.

The problem is that living here at home stresses me out as well. My mom complains about my cat, expects a very clean home, and we just get on each other's nerves occasionally. I also find it very difficult to stay motivated here. The graduate program that's here isn't at all what I want, especially since it doesn't start for an entire year. Not to mention that Marvin is much closer to where I'm moving.

I understand what my mom is saying. I understand that I may find it way too stressful there and need to crawl back home. I also understand that if I don't move now, I most likely will never move. I understand that I need some space to find out if I can even do this on my own...to find out who I am and what I'm made of. I need to give myself this chance.

I'm just debating when I should move. I am ready to move tomorrow. My apartment will be ready the first week of September and it's on hold until the 18th at least. Yet I still don't have a job. Moving is a huge financial risk, a huge stress risk if I don't get a job. I will be completely supporting myself, something that I've never done. My parents have always paid for something. So moving could put me in a high stress, costly position if I can't obtain employment fairly soon after moving.

However, I know that people move all the time without jobs lined up and they make it. I know that people jump and don't think twice every single day. I also know that I'm capable of making something work, even if it isn't what I want it to be. I'm just scared that will take such a toll on my health that I won't make it out alive. I'm scared that I'll waste my savings, that I'll be calling home in tears again.

So which is better: forcing myself to wait until a job comes through? Or jumping and taking the biggest risk in my life?