My blood sugars have been pretty bad these last two days. I am just not feeling like doing anything with the diabetes at the moment. My mind is distracted with thoughts of careers, moving, and sleep. I'm also in "hunger" mode where I just want to eat and eat and never stop eating. I constantly have an appetite, as if I'd been starving for months on end.

It's pretty normal for me to feel that way every now and then. Sometimes it's hormone related, sometimes it's just my body telling me to eat a few more calories. But it always wreaks havoc on my blood sugars. I'm just not accustomed to eating so much in one sitting or to drinking large sugary drinks. So even with insulin, my body just wants to backfire and run high.

It's strange because I'm running in the 200 or 300 range but I feel totally fine. Not thirsty, no headaches, no nausea. Just a normal feeling. I keep giving extra insulin and I drop back down. But then I eat some more and spike again.

I know days like this really play into my A1c. The highs carry so much heavier than the lows. But it's still something that I accept as part of my coping mechanism, my personal management, and my lifestyle. It's just something that happens and I let happen for three days every now and then. Why beat myself up over this?

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my A1c lately. It was 8.3% at my last doctor's visit, which I was really disappointed in because I'd seen a drop in my averages. But I've been struggling ever since starting the birth control and Accutane to get below 8% again. I was doing so nicely in the low 7% range too.

I know that lows happen and that better control means more of them. But for me, they seem to happen all too often if I start running in "target" range. I just drop too fast with no symptoms. Or too fast with too many symptoms. So all those lows these last few weeks has me thinking about my target for my A1c and for my whole diabetes management.

I surely want to get out of the 8% range and back into the 7%. My goal really is 7.0% which I know that I can do with just a little tweaking and a more consistent schedule here in the next few months. I'm hoping that I can accomplish the 7% by the end of the year. That gives me 4 months to work hard and do it slowly rather than plummet into the 40s and 50s again.

My longterm goal is what I'm wondering about. I know that for pregnancy, I will need to face the lows and really work on eating right and exercising regularly in order to achieve the kinds of numbers I want for my baby. But pregnancy is quite a ways off for me so I'm just wondering where my goals should be for the next three years or so.

It may seem weird to some people to plan an A1c goal for three years long, but this is how my brain works. I am a planner. So I feel that my A1c goal doesn't need to drop too low at this point and time considering I will be living alone again most likely and I will also be dealing with a lot of other new issues in my life. I think riding at 7% and just being stable there is the best thing that I can do for myself.

That number is a comfort level to me. I know that I can have good control without constant lows at 7%. I also know that it isn't too much further down for when I do want to start thinking about marriage and babies. Plus 7% is truly obtainable. I've been there before. I can do it again.

I know that so many of you guys have A1cs in the 5% and 6% range. I tip my hat to you. But for me, this is my decision to ride in the higher A1c bracket and just be stable rather than push myself into what I know (and what my doctor knows) is a danger zone. So much research proves that death rates go up for lower A1cs because of the risk of lows that you can't come back from. For me, that risk is even greater with my history of seizures and black out lows.

I just hope that 7% isn't as big of a challenge as it has been in the past. I hope that I can find a stable job, that graduate school doesn't completely mess with my numbers, that whatever changes are happening to me in these next six months will be manageable and not affect my blood sugars. I'd love diabetes to give me a break for awhile.