As most of you know by now, I've been thrust into the job market after finishing my degree. It was something that I was prepared for, but definitely not at the same time. It's been hectic, stressful, and informative. Some days, I feel on top of the world. And others, I feel like the world is crashing in on me.

My degree was in sociology with a minor in women's and gender studies. I also spent a good deal focusing on health and illness. Now, what can I do with this? Well pretty much anything. There's communications, non-profit, public relations, government work, sales, and so on.

For me, my passion lies in non-profit of some kind. At the moment, I don't feel too particular. I just want to get my feet wet and see how this whole full time employment thing goes. I've applied to a lot of places and not received the feedback that I'd like. Everyone seems to want more experience. What I'm really looking for is something in health non-profits or any of the social services (like United Way or a women's shelter or World Relief).

Part of the problem right now is that I'm trying to relocate. The college that I attended was about an hour and a half from my mom's house and an hour from my dad's. It was easy to head home, easy to get what I needed. But for some crazy idea, I've decided that I should move four hours away to a completely different part of the state. That's made job hunting extremely difficult.

Even without the difficult job hunt process (considering I don't know any of the non-profits in that area or even where some of the suburbs are), moving four hours away is beginning to scare me. I'm beginning to doubt and wonder and consider other options.

This whole decision happened last year sometime. When I originally began looking at potential careers, the FBI was a major focus. And this area of Texas had a lot of hiring options for the FBI. I researched the city and began to fall for it. It was new and different. It wasn't the area that I had lived in for the past 21 years. It was a totally different vibe.

It was still just a consideration in my mind at that point. There was a lot going on and no job was in direct sight. Then I met Marvin, who coincidentally lives in this same area. Then I took an overnight trip to the area and totally fell for it. It was so different, so gorgeous compared to what I was used to. I prepped myself and my family for the potential relocation. Slowly, the idea became a decision. It sat easily in my mind.

But now that it's closer than ever (only one job offer away!), my nerves are beginning to flutter. I'm beginning to wonder if this is the best decision for me, for my health, for my life. I'm scared to move that far away when I'm just starting on my own. I'm also scared of staying here and getting stuck though.

For me, stress plays a major part in my health. My moods and blood sugars and pain just bounce all over the place when my stress level is up. I know this and I take every precaution to avoid extreme stress (like doing yoga and keeping fit, taking one day a week to decompress, prioritizing and staying organized). Moving four hours away from everyone I know (minus Marvin and one other friend) seems awfully stressful at the moment.

Moving that far involves a lot of coordination. I would need a new set of doctors (and I'm rather fond of my health care team...the dentist, the eye doctor, the endo, everyone works for me). I'll have to find all the grocery stores, cheapest gas stations, best malls, my favorite stores. It'll take a lot of upheaval, a lot of money.

I just want to experience something new and different for once in my life. I want to experience the fear and exhiliration of living far from family. I know I probably won't see my family all that often anymore, which hurts. I know that my best friends won't be my best friends anymore. That part scares me because I love the people in my life.

But I also know that there are prime times in our lives to experience something, to push the limits. I'm young, single, and totally unattached. I have no job, no real responsibility, nothing tying me to any one place. It couldn't be a better time to make some mistakes and test the boundaries of my own life. And four hours is close enough to keep me sane. It's a feasible monthly trip home (an hour plane ride!). It's the same state and the same culture...I'm not moving from Texas to Canada (nothing against Canada, I'd love to come visit). It's a safety cushion.

I'm just scared that it'll be too much to handle. I'm scared that I'll miss my mom like crazy and increase my stress unnecessarily. I'm scared that I'll get caught up in the job, the life and never come home. I'm scared that I'll end up all alone in a totally new city. I'm scared of it all. And right now, I'm just not sure if the fear is outweighing the thrill.

I'm not sure if I'll ever be sure, no matter the decision that I make. I'm just hoping that I can gather enough research and information before making the final leap. I'm hoping that my heart and head guide me to the right place. I'm hoping that I can just find a job.