Dear Michko,

It is with deep regret that I write to you today to tell you that I am resigning effective immediately. 

I have truly enjoyed my time with you. You have kept me employed for many, many years. You have stuck with me when the going got tough. Even when I continued to upset your stomach you still gave me another chance.

I appreciate the fact that you stuck with me -- albeit part-time -- when my stomach upsetting tendencies were at their highest. I truly apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused you. 

I realize that as you get older your body is changing and you may not be able to tolerate the same substances the same way you did when you were younger. Couple that with the fact that your gall bladder was removed seven years ago and that you were diagnosed with diabetes five years ago and it seems that your system is a little touchy lately.

I understand that as of late you have attempted to put me back on part-time duty. I know you're doing better with that -- drinking only one soda per day instead of 2-4, but I don't think it's working. I know you crave me in the mornings the way some people crave coffee. I know there are times when you really could use the pick me up that comes from a carbonated drink.

But I see how much time you've been spending with Water lately and I think it's best for all of us if I simply end my employment with you now to spare any hard feelings between us.

I'm sure I'll see you around occasionally and I'm confident that I'll find another job quickly.

Again, I have enjoyed my time with you and appreciate everything you've done for me. 

Yours very truly,

Soda