You cannot even imagine the week that I have had. I'm still in disbelief over the turn of events going on with my family and myself at the moment. Let me recap for you.

A family member began showing signs of mental illness a few months ago. Along the way, we all wanted to believe that it was nothing although I kept urging that something wasn't right and something should be done. By this past weekend, things had suddenly escalated. So the family decided it'd be best to commit the person.

We're now struggling with the aftermath of what all this means. Not only the emotional aspect of watching a loved relative struggle with their own mind, but the physical and financial ramifications of this decision as well. We have no idea how long this might be. The family can't take on the financial burden and the relative is not fit to work for quite some time (she is currently in inpatient psychiatric care with no relief).

I spent my Saturday calling local psychiatric hospitals hoping to find a better place to care for her. Then I finally received the insurance information and found out that her insurance doesn't cover inpatient mental health care. We have no idea what this might mean. But it's been stressful.

Today, I just broke down. Last night's visit with her was very upsetting. And the stress of the hospitals and insurance just got to me. I layed in bed trying to let myself feel the emotions running through me and wishing that Marvin was here to hug me. From anger to sadness to utter devastation, it all passed over me. Then the exhaustion and the mental fatigue. I spent the rest of my Saturday trying to distract myself with sleep and an uplifting book.

It has been a very long week for the entire family. But for me, it's been an emotional rollercoaster. I spent the beginning of the week with Marvin, getting the last bits of my things moved from my college town and back to my mom's house along with enjoying three blissful days of his company. I tried to forget that my family was in turmoil here at home. I tried to enjoy myself, pray for my family, and be as normal as I could be.

By the time I got home on Wednesday, I knew that the turmoil was going to hit me soon enough. I unpacked my car at my mom's house and surveyed what my life will be like here in the next few months. I could feel the stress creep in...my shoulders tensed, my head ached. I just wanted it to all go away. I wanted to be back having fun with Marvin.

There are several other things that have happened this week that I will post about at a later time. But at this moment, I am just trying to keep my head up and trying to organize what I can. My things still need to be unpacked...an entire spare bedroom is officially a disaster zone with no room to walk between my things. I have laundry to do, final bills to pay, and I haven't even had a chance to change my address over.

My diabetes is playing tricks on me. I woke up shaking and sweating on Thursday with a 47 mg/dl. Then bounced to 303 after I over treated. I have no idea what my averages are. Right now, I don't even care. I just do not have the energy.

I am so grateful for Marvin though. He is the rock that I need to get through this. He is the encouraging and understanding voice on the other end of the phone. He is the neutral party that I can depend on to stay emotionally stable. It will be awhile before I get to see him again, but just knowing that he is there is taking a huge burden off of me. At least I am not alone.

I'm hopeful that after tomorrow and Monday, things with my family might settle some. We are slowly seeing that we just can't do this all and slowly trying to find ways to manage. For me personally, I need to begin to manage my own life as well now that my summer break is officially ending (a whole 3 weeks, yay). I have insurance issues to resolve, jobs to apply to and respond, and a lot of money to save before I try to move out on my own in the fall. It'll be a long process, but this is life. C'est la vie.