It's been roughly two weeks since I switched from Prozac to a new anti-depressant. I think I thought I would miraculously feel dramatically different pretty quickly. But I don't. However, I have noticed some subtle changes.
There's generally less yelling coming from me. Part of that is because The Mr. is doing more around the house, but even if he wasn't I think my moods would be more stable.
I find myself able to relate to and joke around with the kids a lot easier. I've realized a number of times that I'm playing around with No. 2 and No. 3 whereas several weeks ago I likely would have had a "don't bother me" attitude when they wanted to joke around. And it feels good to interact with my family differently.
I initiated a book-reading session with the kids Saturday night that included handfuls of my favorite kids books. *I* was the one pulling them off the shelves saying "We have to read this one!" Months ago No. 3 would have had to beg me to read just one to her at bedtime.
There's also been more, uh, "quality time" between me and The Mr. And much of it has been initiated by me, which is nearly unheard of in the last few years.
I don't feel as good as I did right after my Prozac dose was doubled, but I do feel better than the last time I went to see Dr. L. I'm curious to see how I feel in the next two weeks before I see her on June 8. At this point, I feel like I need a stronger dose of the anti-depressant but I do realize it's only been two weeks.
This has been incredibly difficult because I find myself comparing how I feel now to how I felt at other times in my life and wondering if I'm *supposed* to feel the way I do or if I'm supposed to feel markedly better. Questions for Dr. L, I suppose.
I took Prozac for three continuous years when it frist came out circa 1990. It worked okay for three years, and then it started losing its effectiveness. My phycisian then changed me over to a new antidepressant.
Over the years I have been on and off antidepressants and have tried a handful of different types, and in certain cases I was on multiple types that were compatible with each other. Each time I wanted to come off the antidepressants, I did it correctly under a general physician's guidance; however, eventually I would reach a point after a year or two where I would need them again. Multiple general physicians over the years agreed that if I ever needed an antidepressant for three continuous years starting around 1990, then chances are I really need them all of the time and probably always will. In other words, I need to keep taking them for an actual chronic chemical imbalance rather than through a temporary depression with a known cause.
In my experience when starting a new antidepressant or continuing a beneficial antidepressant, *none* of them ever made "everything all better". *None* of them actually caused happiness. *None* of them resulted in a miraculous change. In other words, *none* of them behaved like a narcotic that produces an immediate artificial sense of well-being. And in fact, while all of them did produce noticable and beneficial effects in the beginning, those initial effects did not compare to the even more beneficial effects that occur from three to six months of usage where I started getting back some of my libido and other negative side-effects started to subside while the good side effects were still having an effect.
How do I know if an antidepressant is actually "working"? For me, feelings of depression or negative intrusive thoughts still may come, but I can make them go away and focus on something else (like when I am at work or at a social gathering or trying to fall asleep) before they cause any damage or have a significant impact on what I was previously trying to do. I am still able to feel sadness or depression, but only when there is a reason for the sadness or the depression, in other words, like anyone else but most of the time I am just fine chugging along taking each day one at a time. I am able to feel happiness, but usually only when there is a reason or when I create a reason. I do not automatically go into total sadness mode, or total "downward spiral" mode, and I am able to face negative situations or traumatic memories on a relatively even keel without breaking down or holding on to all of it for an unreasonable amount of time... in fact, I am able to *manage* the stress and depression and sadness, like I am able to *manage* diabetes with insulin, but it doesn't mean I completely stop feeling depression, or that unstable sblood sugar levels are cured by the insulin.
In the past my psychiatrist started me on a reasonable dosage of an antidepressant, which seemed to work for a while. If after a few months of working it seemed to stop working, the dosage was increased, ultimately to the maximum dosage or near the maximum dosage. But if the maximum dosage worked for a while and then seemed to stop working, my psychiatrist would still keep me on the old antidepressant but start me on a low dose of a new antidepressant, following the same pattern over the course of months. In my particular case, the "nighttime" antidepressant was lowered to nothing more than a sleep-aid, and instead I take the maximum dosage of one antidepressant but a moderate dose of a different antidepressant. It all seemed to stabilize right there at that amount for me in my own life -- but my psychiatrist still wants to see me back within a few months until we are both sure that the "stable" trend is, well, actually "stable".
Similar to an endocrinologist with diabetes -- frequent when determining "stability", but less frequent yet still on occasion when "stability" seems to be the predominant trend.
I hope that how I manage "my own" depression is helpful, even if different, than how you or others can manage "your own" depression, because like diabetes, depression is different for everyone but also can have general similarities for certain groups of people with certain types of depression.
Indeed, like you (Michelle) said, you learn to "live again" in a new way, as no antidepressant is ever a total cure.