I was grocery shopping when the phone rang. I didn't feel the vibration in my coat pocket; the call went to voicemail. As I was checking out, I checked my phone. Two messages. One from my mom and one from the doctor's office.

"Hi, Miss Guerin. This is G from Dr. K's office. Your lab results are back. I'd like to talk to you. Please call me back at..."

My heart sank. I've heard those words too many times. At 21 years old, I shouldn't be hearing those words!!! If your lab results are fine, they don't call and ask for a return phone call. They tell you that everything is fine or that the results are in the mail. You're not important if you're healthy.

My first fear was the kidney function tests that they'd run. With the urinary tract infection and the kidney pain lately, I'm on hyper-alert for anything that resembles kidney complications. I didn't need the lab tests to confirm the doubts in my mind.

But she'd also run a multitude of other tests. Cortisol and ACTH, LH and FSH, vitamin B12 and D. Everything that we could think of. I hoped it was just a confirmation that the LH and FSH were out of range. Or that my vitamin D was still low (has been despite extensive supplements for almost two years).

I called back immediately, but G wasn't in. So another nurse began to pull up my lab results. And began to tell me that my cortisol was high, my ACTH was low, and they needed to do a dexmethasone test to see if my pituitary gland was the issue. My heart dropped.

In 2008, I started taking low dose cortisol after a bio-identical specialist recommended it for some of the symptoms that I'd been dealing with. My cortisol levels measured low at that time.

I've been off the cortisol for quite some time (since last spring in constant doses and last summer in short-stress doses). It could be a factor, although another endo has told me that it's not likely. The other causes of high cortisol are Cushing's disease and syndrome. Those are both often caused by adrenal or pituitary tumors.

I am NOT saying that I have either of those conditions. Nor am I saying that I have a tumor. Or even think I have a tumor.

What I am saying is that I have the classic symptoms of excessive cortisol with my fatigue, resistant acne, easy bruising, slow healing, puffy face, and weight gain specifically around the middle. Cushing's is often associated with menstrual irregularities, male patterned hair growth and hair loss in women, and many other symptoms. Too many that I have. But also too many that could be from PCOS, diabetes, or just general health issues.

I'm scheduled to do the dexmethasone test tomorrow morning so hopefully by next week I'll know more about how we're going to proceed. Right now, I'm researching different causes and treatments. I want to be prepared for whatever they might throw my way.

I'm also trying not to focus on the issues that I've been having lately. The kidney pain...could it be from an adrenal tumor? The headaches that I've been known to get for the past 4 years...could it be a pituitary tumor? All the Cushing's symptoms that I have. I don't want to obsess. I don't want to overwhelm myself with the "what ifs" of what this might mean. I just want to get through it.

To top it off, my vitamin D levels are still drastically low. And my A1c has jumped to 9.0% from 8.6% in late November. I can't even absorb the A1c yet, but I do know that there is a lingering hate towards this disease. I've tried so hard, busted my butt these past few months, and this is the result that I get. Exactly why is this happening to me?