Monday morning, I headed to the endo in a state of hope and undeniable fear. I wanted Metformin, but had no idea how it might go in order to get it...being type 1 and all. I've been so run down by the PCOS symptoms that I'm dealing with, especially the acne. And I needed this to get through, to try, to continue hoping.

So when I posed the question of using Metformin, my heart was in my throat. Would Dr. K give me the request? Would she work with me to possibly solve some of my biggest health issues?

No. The risk that Metformin causes for acidosis was too much for a type 1, in her opinion. It just isn't an option for me...in her words.

It felt like a hammer to the thumb, a blow to the stomach, a slap in the face. The last piece of hope that I was holding on to...stripped from me. All because I'm a type 1 diabetic. The one last try that I had to solve my PCOS issues...gone.

So I told her that I was disgruntled, that I felt cursed. What was I supposed to do? Yes, the Accutane is working (10 weeks in and I'm probably 80% improved), but the dermatologist (and most research) insists that even if we get it clear from the Accutane I'm looking at recurrences down the road because we haven't solved the greater problem. So how do I proceed?

I've tried the other main drug for the condition (Spiro for short, or Aldactone) and didn't like the side effects (hair loss, lack of drive, depressed moods). Birth control doesn't seem to help. Metformin is the only drug left to try.

As I told her how frustrated that I was and we discussed the risk of Metformin for a type 1, I saw my future flash before my eyes. I saw one side where I could try Metformin and succeed. My PCOS symptoms lessened, my insulin resistance vanished leaving me with much stabler blood sugars, I could actually live again.

The other side made the tears well in my eyes and emotion catch in my throat. It was a life of no hope. A life where I couldn't take any of the medications I needed to take and where I continually battled the life-altering symptoms of PCOS alongside uncontrollable blood sugars. A life that I do not want to lead.

Before I left the office, she agreed to do her own research and consider putting me on Metformin. I'm also doing my own extensive research to see what I can find about type 1s and Metformin use, or even insulin and Metformin use. I've emailed my old pediatric endo (who worked on the DCCT trials and many other major new treatments) to gather his opinion. And whatever I find, I'm submitting to her...with a plan.

My hope is that I can find positive feedback about Metformin and insulin. I hope that I can link the studies together to form a backbone to my plan. My plan is to give Metformin a twelve month run. I'll obtain blood tests to check kidney functions as often as necessary. I'll watch for DKA and check for ketones constantly if need be. I do not care how extensive this plan needs to be, I want to give Metformin a shot. I want to give my life a shot.

Because honestly, I cannot imagine continuing in the way that I am. I keep reminding myself that I have made it this far. I can make it a little bit further. I hope.