Several weeks ago I sat in the kitchen of No. 2’s Girl Scout leader, chatting with other moms as we put together holiday crafts for the council’s fund-raising bazaar in December.
 

As the morning was winding down and the girls had deserted the crafts for more important things, we began cleaning up the mess (ugh! glue and glitter!) and chatting.
 

When S said she needed to call that day to schedule a family portrait session for the next day I didn’t hesitate to pipe up quickly and tell her that I am an amateur photographer and would be happy to do a family session with them the next day.
 

“Oh! And you’d be… cheaper than…,” S began.
 

“Free. I’d be free,” I told her.
 

While we had tentatively set aside the next morning for photos, I still wondered if she would really take me up on my offer. While I know that by not taking risks I won’t reap any rewards it often seems like I’m often not taken seriously enough about a number of things in my life.
 

So I was thrilled when we actually had the session. And just down the street from my house! And I was so pleased with my work. I took some of the best portraits I had taken in a while. My confidence was boosted tremendously. Sure there were some things I saw that I wanted to work on. But some of the things I had already been working on really shined through. And my photography mentor said, “I really like where you are right now.”
 

Such a good feeling.
 

So earlier this week I dropped off the disk of photos to S and we chatted for just a second. As I walked out, she handed me an envelope. I assumed it was a thank you note, which it was, but it also came with a gift card that I hadn’t expected. And in an amount that I hadn’t expected! And then I realized I had essentially just gotten paid for a portrait session! OMG! I’m a paid photographer! OK, not really, but you see where I’m going with that.
 

Then came the hard part: what to spend it on. I know I need to reward myself and spend the money on something only for me, something I want. But, there isn’t much that I want. I feel like I’m a pretty simple person. OK, so I want some photography equipment.
 

So I’ve found myself having conversations with myself like this:
“No. 1 needs a new bike. I could put some of the money toward a bike.”
“No you can’t because this is about you.”
“I could use it toward Christmas gifts.”
“No you can’t.”
“There are so many things we need for the house.”
“Ahem. No.”
“Jewelry. I could buy jewelry.”
“Sure. But if you’re going to buy jewelry shouldn’t it be actual jewelry and not costume stuff?”
 

It’s tough as a mom and a wife to put the focus on myself occasionally. It’s nice, but also tough. I guess I will be forced to go window shopping. (Which I actually really like.) However, I suspect I could find some nice photography props at this store with the amount of money I have.