It's my time...to manage myself.

I've blogged about my pediatric endo a couple of times on dLife. A Dr. H. who was a total God-send to my health and my family during those rough pediatric years. He was the kind of doctor that reminded you of your dad or grandpa, a fun-loving man who loved his job, his patients, and his life. Everything about him screamed "I want to help YOU!"

At 13, 14, 15...well all through my teenage years, I didn't see that though. I saw him as the annoying doctor who kept insisting that I could do this and I just knew that I couldn't and wouldn't. He wasn't walking this disease with me everyday, how could he know??? I'd leave appointments annoyed, tired, and often crying (although the crying lessened with Dr. H. than with any other doctor). He called me the most stubborn patient that he ever had (I believe a previous endo had recorded that in my chart).

I still email him to this day. He's given me guidance and support as I've branched Diabetic Echoes out. He's told me hints about other doctors, managing this disease in womanhood, and been a general support that I couldn't be more grateful for.

But the one thing he instilled in me over the past decade was that I was the doctor in this disease. To this day, I'm still Dr. Lindsey to him. And to myself. Which is a huge part of how I manage my diabetes.

I am a huge component of my healthcare team. Every day, I am the one making these minor changes in my diabetes plan. I'm the one that counts the carbs, plans the meals, boluses correctly or incorrectly, judges for exercise/nerves/stress, and calculates everything else in my life into my diabetes. Every day, I am the doctor on top of this disease.

Sure, there are others that play into how I manage. My doctor gives me broad suggestions every few months. She takes glimpses of my diabetes and analyzes them to help. She suggests new treatments and ideas, keeps me in tune with the numbers of this disease. My eye doctor, my gynecologist, my mom...they all add to this healthcare team that I have. They keep me in check, watching broad trends of my body, and encouraging me along the way. Without them, I'd be lost.

But they are still merely a backbone to my management. They are the emergency response team when things get rough. They are the looming parent that keeps me in check. They are the cheerleaders on the side lines.

I am the doctor, the administrator, the manager, the head honcho. Without me, none of them matter. Without me, nothing matters.

My logbook is my chart. My meter is my A1c machine. My body is my scope. My mind is the years of medical practice. I am the doctor. After sixteen and a half years, I am the doctor to this disease. I am the only one.