Is that why my A1C jumped the way it did? Is that why I’m not more aggressive with my bolusing? Is that why I sometimes look at a 186 and decide not to correct?
 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the perfect eater and that certainly has had an effect on my A1C, but do you remember how utterly shocked I was at my last endo appointment when Dr. R said 7.5? Well, I do! I could barely focus on anything she said after that because I was so dumbfounded. I even thought about asking her to repeat the test because it just couldn’t be true.
 

Since that time I’ve made an effort to be more proactive with my bolusing and to bolus prior to eating instead of after. It’s a little unnerving and out of my new comfort zone. It’s hard to get back into the habit of bolusing first.
 

I think it’s part lazy and part fear. A sneaky underlying fear that doesn’t have me saying upfront “I’m not going to bolus now because I’m afraid of going low.” It’s that kind of fear you don’t recognize until it hits you in the gut.
 

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and I really think that for some wacky reason I’ve grown afraid of the possibility of having a low. You can see why, right? I mean, lows suck. But I think this fear is making me act in a way that’s certainly counter productive. Sure I exercise most days, I test (though not as often as I should), but again there’s that thing about being aggressive with nearly all aspects of diabetes.
 

I know I haven’t been hanging my hat on this, but I think I’ll feel a little more comfortable after my sensors finally arrive and I can have a closer watch of what’s going on.

Because it’s no fun to be afraid of lows.